“You’re wrong. Sometimes love is ugly. And not all things pretty are loveable. But you…you’re not just pretty. You’re beautiful. The most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. Inside and out. You did all this for your brother. Since you were nothing more than a kid yourself, you’ve fought for him with whatever weapons you had. That makes you worthy of the best kind of love. The kind that’s unconditional. The kind that never leaves you, no matter how hard you push back. The kind that finds a way, against all odds. You deserve that. Actually, you deserve more than that. You deserve more than I can give you, better than me. But maybe one day, after all this is over, I can be worth your love.”
I sink into his eyes, into the deep, rich color, into the warmth that’s like a cozy fire welcoming me in from the cold. Part of me wants to tell him that I’m already there, and that’s why it hurt so much to find out he’d lied to me. But part of me, the part that has survived all this time and done things that no self-respecting girl would ever do, keeps those words to myself. They come at too high a cost. And at the moment, I’m broke.
As if sensing that he’ll get no confessions from me right now, Sig presses his lips to my forehead and then crushes me against his chest. “Sit tight. I’ll take care of Travis. No matter what, just remember that you’re not alone. I’ll fix this. I promise you, I’ll fix this.”
When he releases me, he turns and walks right out the door without a backward glance, closing it softly behind him. Despite his warning, I feel more alone than ever before.
CHAPTER THIRTY- SIG
There are times when things have to be done a certain way, when schmoozing has to happen and egos have to be stroked. But there are also times when etiquette needs a kick in the ass. Now is one of those times. Just as soon as I make one stop first.
I poke my head into the lounge where Travis has been keeping company with Dorothy, the staff child psychologist at the county hospital. Travis is slouched down in a seat on the couch with his hood pulled up and tugged down low over his eyes. So low, in fact, I can hardly see them at all. But I can see the pinched line of his mouth, though, and the pale face that surrounds it.
I knock on the door’s frame before speaking. At the sound, Travis’s head jerks up so that I can get a better look at his eyes. I can tell he’s pissed, but there’s relief in them, too. I mean, I may be on his shit list right now, but at least I’m a friendly face. “Can I have a minute?” I ask Dorothy.
She smiles, dimples appearing in both cheeks, making her round face look like that of an overstuffed doll. “Sure,” she says kindly, winking one brown eye at me as she breezes by in a cloud of syrupy perfume. “Take your time. I’ll be right down the hall.”
I wait for her to leave and I close the door behind her. I stuff my hands in my front pockets, a non-threatening gesture, and I walk slowly to the chair Dorothy vacated, sitting across from Travis. I let the quiet settle around us before I speak.
“How you holding up, lil man?”
He shrugs one shoulder.
“Need anything?”
For at least two minutes, Travis says nothing, just stares a hole through me. I’m pretty sure that if hate had hands, he’d be strangling me with it right this minute. I let him do it. He probably needs to let it out.
“Yeah, I need something. My sister. Bring her to me and let us go home.”
Of course he’d say that.
I sigh. “You know I can’t do that.”
“You can. You just won’t. There’s a difference.” I can’t help smiling. I had this conversation with his sister not so long ago.
“You’re right. There is. And in this case, I can’t and I won’t. I’m a cop, Travis. I have to let this play out the right way.” He stands up and storms to the other end of the room. He stands facing the wall, kicking the rubber molding with the toe of his shoe.
“There’s always something more important than us,” he mutters angrily.
“I didn’t say it was more important. I’m letting this play out for two reasons. Number one, I know that your sister did what she had to do and I know that I can make the DA see that. She was just a kid and both your lives were in danger. And number two, getting this wrapped up through the proper channels is the only way you two will ever be able to lead a normal, happy life.”
“She had a plan,” he pouts.
“Both of you may think that her plan of moving to another country where our laws can’t find you is the answer, but it’s not. You’d never be able to come back here. You’d always be looking over your shoulder for Lance or a cop. You’d be on the run for the rest of your lives.” I soften my voice. “That’s no way to live, Travis. But listen, I swear on my life that I’m doing this for both of you. I’m doing what’s best for you, not what’s best for me.” I feel a stab of emotion cut through my gut. “Do you think it was easy for me to see them haul your sister away in handcuffs? For me to go see her in an interrogation room? Do you think it’s easy for me to picture her in a cold, empty cell, all alone?” The words, the images make my chest so tight that I have to stand up in order that my diaphragm can work and get me some air. I run my hands through my hair. “God, I’d give anything for things to be different. But they aren’t. So I’m doing the best thing I know to do for you and Tommi.”
“Tia,” he corrects glumly.
“Tia.” I walk to Travis, gently laying my hand on his shoulder to turn him toward me. “Look, bud, I know you’re mad. I know you’re scared. You’re probably even a little hurt. And I get that. I get all that. You should be. You wouldn’t be human if you weren’t. But I’m gonna ask you to do something that’s gonna feel even worse. Something you don’t want to do and probably think you shouldn’t do. I’m asking you to trust me.” Travis is standing in front of me with his head bowed, chewing on his lip like his sister does sometimes. I peel off his hood and bend until I can see into his eyes. “I care about you both. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be here, fighting for you. I’d just let the chips fall where they may. But I didn’t. I’m not. Because I’m on your side. I swear it.” His emerald green eyes, also so much like his sister’s, bore into mine. I let him look, let him think. Finally, he nods. Just once. Almost imperceptibly. And probably because he doesn’t have much choice. At the moment, I’m all he’s got.