I shook my head. “No, you are wrong.”
“This woman is clouding your brain,” he said, getting to his feet. “I should just do us all a favor and kill her right now.”
I shot up, leaning across the desk, fury rocketing through me. “You do that and I will kill you.” I jabbed my finger at him. “You know I will. I will torture you the same way you torture everyone, and I will smile the whole fucking time.”
He stared at me in surprise before his face crumpled into laughter. “You are serious. I like that about you, Javier. I like your edge. So, a word of advice then from your elder—don’t lose it.”
With that he turned and walked out the door. I looked over at Juanito, wondering if he had any more interesting anecdotes, but he quickly followed in The Doctor’s footsteps. Only Este stayed behind. He closed the door behind him and then sat down across from me, putting his hands behind his head.
“Well, that was a doozy,” he remarked.
“What did I tell you about shutting the fuck up?”
He nodded, looking away. “Yes, yes, I should do it more often. I’m just curious, Javi.”
“About what?” I asked in annoyance. My heart was still racing along, my pulse beating wildly against my watch.
“About what you hope to gain from all of this.”
“That’s fairly apparent.”
“Is it?” he asked as he picked up the cell phone and began to dismantle it. “You know at the end of next week, you’ll still have to either kill her or send her on her way. You’re delaying the inevitable.”
“I’m delaying what I can to get what I want.”
He shot me a look. “Look, I want to fuck Luisa just as much as you do. Or perhaps, just as much as you have. Her screams last night were not from being tortured. I’m not that much of an idiot.”
I wasn’t sure if I should own up to what I did; after all, I was the “master” as Salvador had called me, and that was our right as the master, the boss, to take what we wanted. Or I wasn’t sure if I should gloss over the whole thing and pretend nothing happened. I didn’t know what would be better for Este to hear. So I said nothing.
He continued, “I also know that another week with her is a mistake.”
“How so?”
“It will be harder for you to … say goodbye.”
“Then you don’t know me very well.”
He shrugged and displayed the phone on the desk, now in tiny little pieces. “That’s true. I don’t really. I should, but I don’t. But that doesn’t mean I’m not concerned for you.”
“And why would you be concerned about my well-being?”
“I dunno. Being a good friend, I guess.”
I laughed. “Friend. That’s a good one.”
His expression grew serious. “This organization means a lot to me, almost as much as it does to you. I just don’t want us to be in over our heads. I don’t like that Salvador has control back and I don’t like that this might leave us looking like assholes.” He bit his lip, thinking something over. “Are you still in contact with that chick from the DEA?”
“Lillian Berrellez,” I told him. “And I haven’t been in contact with her for a while.”
“Do you think if things go south with Salvador, we could give her Juanito? He can give her all the intel. They could pinpoint one of his safe houses, one of his mansions. I’m sure with some extra inside info, they could make an arrest, make it happen.”
I shook my head. “I am not a snitch, Este. There is still honor among cartels. We don’t rat each other out to the Americans.”
He snorted, shaking his head like I’d just said the most ridiculous thing. “Oh, come on, Javier. You and your stupid moral code that doesn’t exist. There is no honor. How do you think Chapo was caught before Salvador took over? Huh? The cartels put up those wanted posters around the continents, not the Mexican government, and not the American one. This is a new Mexico. There is no code among men because there are no men anymore. Only monsters who sit behind their desks and give orders.” At that, he looked at me with a touch of exaggerated disgust.
“You think I’m a monster?” I asked. Funny how Luisa said I wasn’t.
“I think you’ll get there one day,” he said carefully. “If you don’t mess up.”
He was talking around me and I hated it. I waved my hand at him. “You’re starting to bore me, Este. Go and pack everything up.”
“Where are we going?”
“Back to my place.”
“What about a safe house?”
“I miss nice things.”
“You can’t bring Luisa there.”
“I can do whatever I fucking want,” I said, and instinctively reached under the desk for the gun I had put there. Este picked up on it and nodded, quickly leaving the room. He was right. He wasn’t that much of an idiot after all.
Once he was gone, I was alone with my thoughts. Then my thoughts became too convoluted for me to wade through. So I got up and went to tell Luisa the news.
As usual, there was no answer to my knock. I opened the door and poked my head in. She was up, staring out the window, wearing that hot pink dress again, her hands behind her back. She didn’t look over at me when I came in the room. I was glad. It gave me a few private seconds to appreciate the marvelous things her ass did to my dick. I had another week of this luxury.
“I have news,” I said, clearing my throat.
Her shoulders tensed up but she didn’t turn around. “Oh? Good or bad?”
“I’m not sure. What would be good news to you?”
“That you’ll just let me go free.”
I pursed my lips. “Well, that means I have bad news, I’m afraid. Because I can’t let that happen.”
She didn’t say anything to that. I walked over to her and paused at her back. I lifted up her thick, soft hair and placed it gently over her shoulder, and peered at my name underneath. It looked less ugly now that it was done. I began to swirl around in the memory of the night before, the way she begged for me to finish it, to brand her, the way she told me she wanted me. I closed my eyes briefly and took in a deep breath through my nose.
“My name looks good,” I said softly.
Her shoulders slumped. “Am I going back to Salvador?” Pure desperation tore through her voice.