“Please,” he implored hoarsely. The lamp illuminated his eyes so they were wavering between desire and control. “You’re not in your right mind. I know you’re scared and confused – and my God, obviously horny as hell – but I can’t let you do this. My balls are so blue they’re black now, and I’m loathing myself for telling you to stop, but you have to. Please. I might not have the strength to make you.”
I narrowed my eyes, feeling annoyed at the words that were coming out of his mouth and the firmness of his erection. Totally contradictory. Why couldn’t I just get what I wanted?
“Perry,” he said slowly, deliberately as he speared me with his gaze. “You’ll regret this in the morning. You will hate yourself for doing this and you’ll end up hating me. And you already hate me so much, that my heart can’t take anymore of it. Please, let’s just sleep and save the blow job for another day.”
“There’ll be no other day,” I snarled, feeling mean and dizzy.
“Exactly,” he whispered, giving me a small shake with his hands.
I watched him curiously. And more curiously. His face was growing darker. Blurrier.
I blinked hard and pulled out of his grasp a bit.
“You said you don’t have the strength to stop me,” I slurred, moving backward, wriggling my hips into him as I went. I put my arms underneath me until his dick was firmly in my hands again. He closed his eyes and let out a little moan.
I grinned as the world around me swirled. “You won’t regret…”
My mouth decided forming words was too much effort and gave up. The room spun violently and the next thing I knew my head was face-planting into his chest and everything went silent and black.
CHAPTER TWELVE
“Good morning, sunshine,” Dex’s voice broke into my sleep like a jackhammer. My eyes sprung open from a dark, deep hole and I winced at the painful brightness.
I immediately shut my eyes and prayed for death. That didn’t happen. I heard the door shut and Dex walk over, placing something on the table beside me. He sat down beside me and the bed lurched like stormy seas and my poor stomach and brains were the sinking ship.
He placed a hand on my forehead. “I’m sorry I couldn’t let you sleep in but we have a big day ahead of us.”
I groaned and slowly pried one eye open. He was dressed in grey jeans and black hoodie, newsboy cap on his head. His eyes looked a little dark and shadowy and I guess he must have been feeling mildly hungover. I would have given my right arm to only feel “mildly” hungover.
My God, why did I drink so much bourbon?
My God. What the f**king hell did I do last night?
My eyes widened at the sudden memory of groping Dex in just my bra and underwear and I jumped in my bed, as if I could somehow escape it.
He smiled at my reaction. “Remembering something?”
“Oh my God,” I groaned and lay my head back down on the pillow, covering my eyes with my palms. “Oh my God.”
“I thought you’d say that,” he said.
“Oh no,” I mumbled rolling over. “I am just…oh God, bury me in a dark hole somewhere.”
“Why are you so embarrassed?” he asked playfully. “So you passed out during an attempted blowjob. Who doesn’t?”
My insides recoiled and my body went hot with shame. I let out a whimper as more images came back to me. “You were trying to stop me.”
“Trying is the key word here,” he said and he tapped the table where I saw a mug and a couple of painkillers. “Come now, sit up Miss Palomino. There’s some tea here with hair of the dog. It’ll make it better.”
“It won’t make everything better,” I cried out softly and slowly brought myself to a sitting position. I eyed him, my eyes having trouble focusing. “You wouldn’t let me do it.”
“You sound amazed. No, I was trying to not let you. But had you not passed out, I don’t know what would have happened. Let me tell you something though.” He pointed at me and his eyes darkened. “As your friend, as your roommate, and I suppose your part-time lover, please don’t do that to me again. I don’t want to be in that position.”
I snorted caustically, even though I felt like a few particles in my brain came loose. “You don’t like saying no? I don’t believe it.”
He passed the mug to me and pressed the pills into my hand, hard. “Well believe it. I don’t like saying no to you. Especially not like that. I’ve spent the morning gathering my balls from the floor and I’m sure the others aren’t too happy with all the time I was spending in the outhouse.”
A twinge of guilt tugged at my core but I ignored it. “Did it feel good to turn me down?”
He frowned. “I don’t think you get it, Perry. It felt terrible. I still feel terrible. You presented yourself to me like a dinner before dying and I had to say no to that?”
I didn’t know how to pose the next question delicately, so I just came out and said it.
“If asked you to,” I said, my voice low so no one else in the cabin would hear my crudeness, “would you f**k me right now?”
He raised his brows, either in surprise at my vulgarity or at the question itself.
“I don’t think you’ve ever asked a stupider question.”
“Then why wouldn’t you last night?” I felt so small asking it and buried my voice with a sip of the tea. It was sweet and strong and good and I felt sour and weak and bad.
“You still don’t know?” He looked bewildered and tugged at his hair with annoyance. “Because you weren’t sober. You were as drunk as I’ve ever seen you.”
“So?”
“So? This might come as a shock but as I told you last night, I’m not about to take advantage of you.”
“Even if I wanted you to?”
He leaned forward on his knees and clasped his hands together. He turned his head and looked me dead in the eye, mouth drawn in a tight line. “Perry, when I f**k you, you’re going to want it. And you’re going to be sober. I don’t want just your body in all of this. I want everything. Your soul too.”
“That’s a pretty tall order,” I said breathlessly. His words were causing butterflies to fly loose in my stomach.
“I know,” he said determinedly. “And it’s something I am willing to work for.”