God, I missed him so much that it hurt.
I was terrified about how intense my feelings were for someone who I barely knew, but I couldn't switch them off. Believe me, I tried. I didn't know it at the time, but I loved Alec, and I had to endure loving him and hating him at the same time. When Alec's old boss, Marco, came to seek revenge on Alec I was in the way so he kidnapped me along with Alec and Bronagh, Nico's girlfriend, who were in my apartment at the time. Long story short, Alec's brothers along with my uncle Brandon, saved us. Marco and his men died, and we were free to go home.
The problem is, now that I could see past Alec and his wonderful reality shield again, I didn't feel so free. I didn't feel trapped either, I just felt... restricted. I didn't know why I felt that way because Alec was my everything. I wanted to be with him... I just didn't want to rush things and inadvertently ruin things. We jumped headfirst into our relationship, and I felt like we needed to slow way down, but I was terrified to tell Alec any of this because I knew how it would sound.
It would sound like I wasn't certain about us anymore.
I sighed and shook my head clear of my thoughts, and like many times before, I forced them to the back of my mind and focused on the task at hand.
Packing.
A lot of packing.
“Damn it,” I grumbled.
I placed my hands on my hips and shook my head.
This wasn't a one-woman job.
I walked into my sitting room and picked up my phone from the coffee table. I tapped on the screen of my phone, unlocked it, then scrolled through my contacts till I found the person I wanted to call.
I pressed my phone to my ear and after three rings the phone picked up. I glanced around my apartment once more and said, “It's me. I need your help.”
“Hello? Royalty is in the house!”
I rolled my eyes and turned my head to my apartment door. “Close the door before Mr. Pervert comes out to see what all the racket is.”
Aideen Collins, my best friend, rolled her hazel eyes and kicked my apartment door shut.
I hissed. “No damages. I won't get me deposit back from the landlord otherwise.”
Aideen snorted as she dropped her bag and keys on my kitchen table and walked into my sitting room. “Please, money is the last thing you need to worry about. You're loaded.”
I wasn't loaded with money—Alec was.
“I'm broke, Alec is not. Learn the difference.”
Aideen grinned. “Alec would give you whatever you wanted, you know that. Money isn't an issue with him.”
“I don't need or want his money, and it will be an issue if one of us doesn't earn a steady income. Sure, Alec has a lot of money in the bank, but it won't last forever. Not with the way he spends it anyway.”
Aideen chuckled, “I don't think an SUV and a house will break his bank account.”
I shook my head. “The house was three hundred and twenty thousand outright, and the only reason we got it at that price was because the buyers wanted a quick sale. Then there was his SUV that was thirty thousand... altogether that's a lot of bloody money.”
I didn't think I would ever get my head around the fact that my partner was rich. I was used to minimum wage, and surviving on noodles when I didn't get enough weekly hours at my old job. I wasn't used to being able to buy whatever I wanted without thinking of the financial consequences.
I used to work at my local supermarket, but when all the bullshit happened last year I missed too many days without a viable excuse and I got fired. I hated my job, but it paid the rent. I know I didn't have to worry about paying rent now that Alec bought us a house, even if he did put my name on the deed too. I still wanted to earn my own income. I didn't want to rely on him for my finances.
Hopefully my writing would become more than a passion and turn into a full-time job. God knows I needed it.
“Did you tell him how you feel about him spendin' so much money?” Aideen asked as she sat on my sofa, behind me.
I turned to face her. “No.” I frowned. “It's his money, I can't tell him what to do with it.”
Aideen nodded in understanding. “I think you should ease him into the conversation. Just explain what life was like before he came along. Your uncle is loaded, and so is your ma, and you wouldn't take a penny from either of them. He can't expect it to be different with him just because you're both together.”
You would be surprised.
“He thinks a lot of things now that we're together... He went out and bought us a house without me knowledge and he thought that was a good idea. He isn't aware of things right in front of him.”
“You don't want to move out?” Aideen asked, her eyes wide.
I didn't know how to respond so I dodged the question and said, “He never even asked me, he just went out and bought the bloody thing. We're perfectly fine here. I don't see why he wants to keep changin' things when I'm still gettin' used to him being in me life.”
Aideen was silent for a few moments before she said, “You have got to tell him how you feel, Kay. You will be miserable if you don't.”
I knew that, I lay awake at night sick with the thoughts of it, but I couldn't say a word to him.
I wouldn't.
“He is so happy about movin' into the new house and to be movin' forward with our relationship... I don't want to ruin that for him.”
Aideen furrowed her eyebrows at me when I looked back up at her and locked onto her concerned gaze. “If you don't level with him, eventually there won't be a relationship left to ruin,” she said, her voice stern.
I was motionless as I sat before Aideen and stared at her with unblinking eyes.
“I don't mean to be harsh,” she started. “But how long do you think it will be before you start to resent Alec for leadin' your life for you?”
I didn't speak, I just sat on the floor and stared.
“You're an independent woman, Kay, and you like being one. I love Alec, I do, but if he doesn't stop decidin' everythin' for the both of you he will lose you.”
I was surprised when my eyes welled up and hot tears fell from my eyes and splashed onto my cheeks when I blinked. I quickly reached up and wiped the tears away, but it was too late, Aideen saw and was on the floor in front of me reaching her arms out and comforting me with a hug.