His hands reached down, taking hold of mine, our fingers clasping and he raised my arms over my head, restraining me from moving. His lips brushed over my forehead, my cheeks and then moved down to my neck.
I let out a moan, it felt too good. “Tudor, God… what… uhh…!” I whispered.
His lips moved back north, hot breath gliding over my skin, causing me to shiver, until his lips were feathering over mine, never once kissing but so deliciously close.
I moved forward, yearning for the connection, but he moved back and exhaled a painful moan.
“I can’t keep doing this, Tash. What you said to me when we went skating, I can't stop thinking about it. You like me. 'Just me for me'. 'Your Tudor'. God, it's all I think about,” he confessed in a soft tone.
He placed both of my hands in one of his, his free hand grabbing a fist full of my hair, tipping back my head, his forefinger stretching out to run continuously up and down my cheek in a hypnotising motion, up and down, up and down.
“Doing what…?” I was lost to the touch.
“I-I can’t keep wanting you like this and not having you… not tasting you... not being with you.”
“Mmm…” was my only response, his fingers leaving my hair and moving to caress my lips, round and round, tracing the edge of my cupid’s bow.
Unable to take the teasing sensation, I licked my bottom lip, brushing my tongue past his finger.
He let out a strangled hiss. “I want you. I want you now, so badly I can’t breathe.”
"You said you didn't like me, said I wasn’t your type," I reminded him huskily.
He looked right into my eyes. "I lied."
He lied!
I couldn't control myself, my emotional dam broke. “Then take me… I don't care anymore.”
“Tash…”
He reached down, seizing my thigh and pulled it up to cradle over his hip.
He pushed forward, pinning me hard against the cold brick, his mouth grazing across my ear, lapping at the lobe with his tongue. “I want to take you here against the wall, make you all mine, do you want that, Tash? Tell me you want that too.”
“Oh my God, yes! Now, Tudor, please…” I practically screamed.
He hoisted my leg higher, letting me feel how much he did want it. He nuzzled my hair and ground his hips into mine. “I’m going to hell… I’m not supposed to let this happen, this shouldn’t happen, they warned me, but I can’t stop, this isn’t a good idea, us being together is not a good idea.”
He reared his head back and met my gaze. “Tell me to stop, Tash, you need to tell me to stop…” he pleaded.
He dropped his restraint on my hands and cupped my head with his other arm. His attention fell to my lips, and he rubbed his together with a lick, causing them to shine and moisten, ready for my touch.
He broke his trance, and his heavy eyes made their way back to mine. “I can’t want you this much; you’re not good for me. You’re not meant for me, hell, I’m a f**king nightmare for you. But I have to do this, I can’t stop now…”
He closed in, lips achingly close to mine, but I pulled away at the last second swaying my head to the side. My first kiss with this man would not be like this. He shouldn’t regret it.
Tudor stepped back and dropped my leg. His hands lifted, and he slammed his fists against the wall above, breathing heavily.
“Tash–” he sounded like he was in pain.
“No. Stop,” I commanded, my palm thrust against his chest.
“Tash, listen–"
“No, you listen,” I bit out viciously.
I couldn’t look at him so instead I focused on the floor. “I can’t do this with you… I like you Tudor, probably too damn much and obviously more than you do me, but what the hell? ‘You can’t want me? I’m no good for you? Tell you to stop?’ Why are you here doing this? Did you think speaking to me like that would be okay? From the moment I met you, you have toyed with me so badly and I give in every time. I like you but… but, God, I have to like myself more than this, and I can’t be with someone who fights so hard against wanting me.”
His eyes squinted shut, his jaw muscle clenching over and over. “Tash, it’s complicated. You make this complicated for me. You don’t understand!” he shook his head losing his temper.
I swallowed hard, trying not to show my hurt. “Then help me understand! It’s not complicated Tudor, or at least it shouldn’t be. If you want someone and they want you back its simple. It’s the simplest thing in the whole friggin’ world. I’ve had enough of complicated. I want simple, I want normal. You’re anything but.”
He expelled a venomous laugh. “You mean like him?”
“What? Who?” I answered confused.
“That hippy, pansy-looking guy out there? The one who was practically drooling all over you!”
“Gage?” I questioned, my headache now thumping to an almost unbearable rate. I really wasn’t feeling right.
“Oh, Gage is it?” he said sarcastically. “Did you agree to go out with him? I heard him ask you?”
What the–? Has he been watching me all this time?
I tilted my chin up in defiance. “So what if I did?”
He sucked in a sharp breath, eyes wild, hitting a clenched fist against the wall repeatedly a few feet above my head.
“You can’t!” he stated evenly through gritted teeth, shaking his head as he loomed over my smaller frame.
How dare he?!
“Too bloody right I can and I am. What’s it to you anyway? You don’t want me, remember? ‘We are nothing!’ I’m not going to shag you now, against this wall, just to have you regret it because I'm not good enough for you.” I prodded my finger against his chest. It didn’t even make him flinch.
He let out a humourless snort. “‘What’s it to me?’ she says. I won’t allow it, that’s what! I f**king forbid it! Tash, you can’t do this to me. I can’t stomach the thought of you with him!”
That hit a nerve. “Do this to you? You won’t allow it? You forbid it! What the hell are you going on about Tudor? You are an absolute mind-fuck. You can’t have me, you don’t want me, but nor can any other man? Do you see how royally screwed-up that is? You’re sounding insane!”