A whacker was a term they used for someone in the field that took the job too seriously and thought of themselves as Superman. They got too excited about the job and focused way too much on it when they weren't working. Most new EMT's were guaranteed whackers who came in overeager, too confident and full of their own bullshit. As entertaining as it was to seasoned EMT's, and a little annoying, it could also be dangerous in the field.
"Cause I'm ready you know. I don't really need to third ride, because I have some experience, but Bill said it was policy. He said it was up to you to sign me off early so I can get off the initial probation period. So, if you want to do that you know I wouldn't mind. I don't want to waste your night or anything," Greg rambled on.
Joe covered her mouth to keep from laughing and leaned into the steering wheel while Eric glanced around the convenient store parking lot they were stationed at.
"I, um," he forced himself not to laugh and keep a straight face, "I really appreciate the offer, Greg. Thank you, but don't worry about wasting my time. We really like the company."
Joe shook with silent laughter against the wheel. Yup, they'd been training officers for six of the twelve years they'd worked as EMT's and heard it all from their third riders. A few were honest about being nervous, the others hid it well until their first call and a few like Greg liked to bullshit their experience right from the start. Definitely a whacker, Eric thought.
"I've been working as a lifeguard at a resort since I was sixteen," Greg offered.
"Is that so?" Eric said with false interest. This was the point where Greg would brag, trying to convince the two of them that they didn't need to train him and that he knew what he was doing. It never failed to be entertaining when a third rider thought they were seasoned pros just because of one or two experiences from their past.
They had one guy outright refuse to listen to them while they were extricating a man from an overturned car and tried to correct them because he'd seen an episode of ER where they did it completely different, and wrong. Eric ended up having to punch the guy out before he paralyzed the poor bastard in the car. The jerk tried to yank the patient out of the car by his head. That patient actually thanked Eric and lied to a cop later, covering Eric's ass. Again, whackers could be very dangerous in the field.
"Yeah," Greg said, nodding to himself. "Did that for almost ten years now. I've been teaching CPR and first aid for two years as well."
Great. He taught people how to watch a video and pass a written test so he thought he was king shit now. This was going to be an interesting night.
"Ever have to use your skills?" Joe asked, twisting in her seat to look back.
The guy averted his eyes as he said cockily, "Oh yeah, you wouldn't believe the shit I saw on that job." Which no doubt meant he hadn't so much as applied a band-aid to some kid's skinned knee.
Joe gave him a smile. Her beautiful baby blue eyes sparkled. "That's good. It means you'll probably pick up on the way we do things around here quickly."
Eric had to hold back a snort. Joe was always too nice. Well, right now she was. If this guy's bullshit got in the way of patient care even he wouldn't want to get in her way. She'd go apeshit on this guy if he caused one of their patients any problems.
Greg nodded thoughtfully. "True."
"Great. I'm going to run inside and grab a drink. I'll be right back," she said, still smiling.
Eric watched her walk into the store and wasn't aware that Greg moved out of his seat to lean in the front and do the same until he heard the man mutter, "Nice."
More annoyed that the man was getting a little too close to him, he shoved him back with his elbow. "I don't swing that way, cupcake."
"Oh," Greg said, moving back. "Didn't mean to crowd you."
Eric leaned back as he kept an eye on the store's entrance. This wasn't the best neighborhood, but Joe would kick his ass six ways to Sunday if he tried pulling any of that chauvinistic shit on her. As far as Joe was concerned she was one of the guys. He knew she could handle herself and would tear his head off if she even suspected for a second that he doubted her, which is why he kept his mouth shut and didn't offer to go get that drink for her. He liked his balls right where they were.
"Hey, um, Eric?"
"Yeah?" he said, already fearing the guy would try to convince him to let him drive.
"Joe, is she seeing anyone?" Greg asked as he ran his fingers through his greenish brown hair. The five minutes he shoved his head under the sink faucet hadn't helped.
"Nope," Eric said, making the word pop.
"So, you and Joe aren't....," he said leadingly.
"Nope."
"Do you mind if I go for it?"
"Nope," he said, knowing the guy would be shot down and how pissed it would make Joe. Joe didn't date doctors or whackers. Yup, this should be very entertaining indeed.
*********
"Such a tough choice," Joe mumbled as she looked from the Snickers bar to Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.
"You should get them both," a low voice said.
Joe looked over her shoulder and forced a smile as Greg gave her what he probably thought was a sexy grin. Great. This was going to be a fun night. She looked past Greg to find Eric leaning against the door frame, grinning hugely. The bastard set her up. She was so going to kick his ass later.
It was only the knowledge that she'd done worse to him that kept her from chucking one of the candy bars at his head. He better hope they weren't sent to the Sunflower nursing home tonight. Judy was working and that cougar was completely hot for Eric, much to his horror. She was barely five feet tall and definitely five feet wide, wore more makeup than a drag queen and had no shame when it came to Eric.
"Shouldn't you guys be in the rig in case we get a call?" she asked casually.
Eric held up a portable radio. Damn technology! "Got it covered. Already told dispatch we were stepping out," he said cheerfully.
"So, Joe," Greg said as he picked up a candy bar to study it. "How long have you been an EMT?"
"About twelve years now," she said, shooting a glare at Eric who had the nerve to wink at her.
"Wow, twelve years. You must have some pretty amazing stories to tell. Maybe sometime we should get a drink and talk about them?"
Before she could answer, Eric spoke up. "That sounds like fun. She really likes that bar over on Madison. They have karaoke there every Thursday and Saturday night."
Greg' smile widened. The poor bastard probably thought Eric was helping him. "Really? You like karaoke?"
"She loves it," Eric said, wiggling his eyebrows. "You should hear her rendition of 'War,' she totally kicks ass."
Joe sucked in a breath. That rat bastard! The one time she made the mistake of getting drunk at a frat party and danced on a table taking requests and he was going to throw it in her face? Unbelievable! He was the one that requested that song!
"So, what do you say?" Greg asked, giving her a cocky grin that he probably thought was irresistible. There was only one man she knew who could pull that grin off without fail and right now he was a rat bastard.
"Say about what?" she asked, returning her attention back to the candy bars. If she was going to survive this night she was going to need chocolate.
She heard Eric's soft laughter and discretely flipped him off, making him laugh harder.
"Tomorrow night? You, me, dinner, dancing, and maybe a little karaoke?" Greg asked smoothly.
"Not gonna happen tomorrow night, spanky. She has plans with me," Eric announced. Joe wasn't foolish enough to think he was coming to her rescue. Oh no, not Eric. He just didn't want to get stuck with whatever bimbo his mother was throwing his way and had no problem with using her as a shield. If she didn't love Alice, Eric's mother, so much or really love her cooking she'd ditch his ass in a heartbeat.
"Well, what about this weekend?" Greg asked, sounding a little unsure of himself.
Oh, this was perfect. She smiled sweetly when she answered, making sure she could see Eric's expression. "I'm sorry. I already have plans for this weekend. I'm going deep sea fishing for three days." She was not disappointed by Eric's reaction.
"You betraying bitch!" he hissed.
She winked at him. "You got that right." There were really only a few things in this world that Eric really loved and lived for and deep sea fishing was one of them. His Uncle Brian and grandfather used to take them out several times a year when they were kids and they both loved it. Still did.
"Echo seventeen?" dispatch called.
Eric leveled a glare on her as he brought the portable radio up to his mouth. "I'm going," he announced.
"Nope," she said, loving the power she held over him. Ah, it looked like she was finally going to get some help painting her garage. There wasn't much Eric wouldn't do for a weekend of deep sea fishing.
"Watch me," he said, before he keyed in. "Echo seventeen."
"What's your location, echo seventeen?" dispatch asked.
"East side," Eric answered.
"Echo seventeen, take a priority one call at 258 Lawson for an assault. Police are already in route."
"Echo seventeen received, 258 Lawson."
"Oh my god!" Greg said, shaking. "Oh my god!" He dropped the candy bar, ran for the door, tripped over his own feet, stumbled, but didn't let that stop him from sprinting towards the ambulance and diving in.
With a pained sigh, Joe put her candy bar back and walked to the door. Eric held it open for her. As they walked towards the ambulance Eric asked, "Where are you going?"
"Cape Cod."
"That's a six hour drive," he pointed out.
"Yup, I'm leaving around four in the morning Friday. I won't be back until late Sunday night, but don't worry I'm sure you'll have fun without me," she said, smiling.
"Bullshit, I'm going and we both know it," he said, climbing into the passenger seat.
"Oh my god, oh my god," Greg mumbled from the back.
Joe climbed in behind the wheel and started the rig. She flicked on the emergency lights and pulled out. She kept one hand on the wheel and the other on the emergency switchboard, switching the sirens from the fog horn to the wailing sound.
Eric pulled out an emergency run sheet and attached it to his clipboard, ignoring Greg's "oh my gods," which had now turned to pure excitement. The kid was about to start operating on pure adrenaline. No doubt it would make the call more interesting.
"I'm going," he stated as he filled in the date and their names.
She maneuvered in and out of traffic with the grace of a pro. "Nope, you're really not."
"Why not?" he asked.
"Probably because I didn't invite you?" she said. She really enjoyed messing with him.
He snorted. "And you think that means something to me? I'm going. End of story."
"We'll see," she said.
"Yeah, we will, won't we?" he said confidently as they pulled in behind two police cruisers in front a small yellow house that had seen better days.
"Echo seventeen on scene," he informed dispatch.
They stepped out of the ambulance the same time the front door flew open and a na**d man wielding a knife ran out. "Fuck you, pigs!" the man yelled as he ran towards them.
"I'm so going," Eric said before he launched himself at the guy. He grabbed the man's hand and twisted it behind his back, making him drop the knife.
Joe ignored the man's screams and threats of violence as she kicked the knife away and helped Eric take the guy to the ground. She held the man's legs down while Eric restrained him to the ground.
Two cops came running towards them from behind the house as older officer came out of the house, leading two cuffed, bleeding men towards them. The cops spotted them and grinned.
"Oh look, Eric and Joe brought us a present," Bret, a cop ten years their senior, said as he shoved the two men in front of him. "Don't worry we brought you something, too," he said, gesturing to the two men under arrest.
"Oh, Bret, you are just the sweetest man alive," Joe said, giving him a sweet smile that made the older man chuckle.
"I do what I can. Do you want to look these two over for us?" Bret asked.
"Sure thing," Eric said. "Just as soon as you take tiny here off our hands."
The two officers quickly took over. Eric helped Joe to her feet. She pulled out a small bottle of hand sanitizer and squirted some in Eric's waiting hand before taking some for herself.
"Hey, isn't that your third rider puking?" Jeff, one of the younger cops asked.
Joe and Eric stilled. Slowly, they turned around and sure enough there was Greg vomiting all over a dead bush.
Joe sighed heavily as Eric asked on a drawn out sigh, "Why must you embarrass us? At least aim for the perp on the ground."
Chapter 3
"How's your stomach?" Joe asked. Eric didn't miss the slight twitch of her lips.
Greg' face reddened. "It's fine. Just something I ate I think," he said quickly.
"Uh huh," Eric said, trying not to laugh. The guy puked at all six calls they had. Five hours on the job and the kid still hadn't said one word to a patient. He ended up vomiting every single time they arrived on scene. Then he'd sit up front for the drive to the hospital and remain there sipping a water or ginger ale.
It would suck for Greg, but there was no way Eric or Joe could sign off on this ride along. The kid wouldn't be getting any credit for this. No doubt Greg would try and argue it to death, but Eric wasn't budging. Yeah it sucked to have to do more ride alongs, but it couldn't be helped. Eric wasn't about to put some patient's life on the line for anything.