“Jesus, give the girl a break. She’s nearly thirty and she hasn’t died yet,” Jane stated, pushing past us. “Excuse me, gents, but the bar calls.”
“Flem,” Lump said, following Jane with her eyes. “What have you done to Jane? We leave and you turn her into you?”
“I beg your pardon, she is way worse than me!”
The boys, being a solid wall of muscle, weren’t quick enough in letting Jane past. Instead of trying to force her way—she was too smart for that…also too little—she stood back and looked up at all of them.
“Listen, William. Or Willie. Or whatever. I know you don’t know me from Adam—get it? Adam?—but I have seen your woman shit-ass drunk, with a broken heel—“
“No Jane!” I shouted to interrupt. I knew the story to which she was referring, and it wasn’t one of my finer moments. Being that I had a lot of non-fine moments in their presence, this one was a real dozy.
It was also all relayed to me second-hand.
“—crawling on the beach ten miles from the bar—“
Lump started laughing. She was the one that eventually found me.
“—with Celeste’s shirt—“
“It was Celeste’s shirt? No wonder it had been two sizes too big. That woman had boobs for days,” I reflected.
“—at six o’clock in the morning—“
“Oh yeah!” Flem remembered.
“—after doing a strip-tease on a bar a foot wide—“
“With one shoe with a broken heal!“
“Don’t help Lump,” I whined, hiding my face.
“—yes, that’s right, with one shoe with a broken heal. Not only did she survive, even after Claire helped her out of that jam by getting her down—“
“I pushed the bitch off,” Claire shouted, laughing.
“Oh yeah!” Flem cackled. “I remember that. We all debated who was going to get up, out of our comfy seats, to go get Jess down, and you lost because you could stand the longest without wobbling, so you walked up to her, yelled at her that she was making an ass of herself, then, when she ignored you and made another ten bucks, you reached up and pushed her off. You didn’t help her down or anything, but just freaking pushed her…off the five-foot high bar! She fell off the other side into a bartender!”
Claire laughed harder. “She wouldn’t listen to reason.”
“That’s where all the bruises came from. Thanks a lot, Claire.” They hadn’t told me that part.
“Like I was saying,” Jane continued, patiently, “if she could survive that, she can survive going up a few steep steps while mostly sober. Now, let me pass.”
I peeked up at William. He was staring at me with an incredulous look. Adam was shocked as well. Moose had a huge, and I mean huge, smile.
I shrugged. “Don’t judge. It was Mexico.”
All the girls nodded. They had some serious stories, too.
“Plus,” Lump said, dragging me between Adam and Moose who had finally made room for Jane, “she made a hundred bucks off that stunt and got us free drinks for the rest of the night.”
“Lotta good it did me.”
“But how did you get to the beach?” Moose asked, thankfully cutting off William and Adam, who still didn’t think the story was as funny as everyone else.
“Still a mystery,” Jane said, pushing through a swarm of man bodies. “She was talking about wanting to see the ocean, and the next thing, she was gone. It was Lump that figured we should go looking for her at the beach.”
“When she hits a point, she goes home,” Lump explained. “She couldn’t find home, so she went to the beach.” She grabbed Moose and pushed him in front of her. Too many guys were stopping to talk to us. Moose parted the crowds like Moses.
“Crawling?” Moose was loving this story. I had a feeling it would be repeated.
Jane would be so sorry for this. After she stopped being so scary, that was.
“She was long past walking,” Flem said, pushing in with us at the bar.
“How did I get Celeste’s shirt?” I asked, not really wanting to know.
“You sold yours after the strip tease.” Jane had a crooked smile.
“Okay, but how does Celeste fit in?”
Claire was still laughing. She hadn’t stopped. The rest of the girls joined her at this point.
“You punched her in the face and took it,” Lump said, doubling over. “You literally walked up to the girl, told her she owed you, and demanded her shirt because you had a buyer for yours. She said no, because all she had was a tiny singlet on underneath, and you said…what was it you said?”
“Listen you—“ Flem and Jane said together with a fist out in front of them like they were John Wayne in an old western.
Flem continued while Jane laughed, “I’ve had about’a enough of your flapping gums. Give me your shirt or else.”
“Or maybe she thought she was John Wayne,” Jane reflected.
“Yeah—“ Lump wheezed, trying to catch her breath.
“No, don’t go on. I don’t want to know.” I pushed Lump.
“No, go on,” Moose said, eating it up. Taking mental notes.
Lump couldn’t stop laughing, so Jane went on. “She, our little flower there, was shaking her fist at Celeste when she said ‘or else.’ Celeste of course said, ‘Or else what?’ Jess responded with, ‘Or else you’ll get a punch in the nose, that’s what.’”
“I mean,” Flem commented through manic giggling, “she was talking like she was in an old nickelodeon! She sounded like an old man. Then with the fist shaking—oh my God it was funny!”
“Dare I want to know what happened next?” William asked.
I risked a peek at him. He had that haphazard smile he got when something I did really shouldn’t be funny, but I was so dense that he couldn’t help laughing at me. I saw that smile often.
“Well, Celeste refused, of course,” Lump went on, wiping tears from her eyes. “Then Jess shook her head, like the world was on her shoulders, and said, ‘Now, don’t say I didn’t warn you.’ With that she punched Celeste right in the face!”
“Celeste was a slow cow and didn’t even flinch!” Flem said. “She watched it coming with an ‘Oh shit!’ expression until it landed. She fell flat on her back—“ Flem squeaked out more laughter, then continued again through her maniacal giggles, “and kinda flopped around like a freaking seal!”
“Jessica, not caring in least about punching someone in the face,” Jane continued, all business at this point, “unceremoniously went about stripping Celeste of her shirt.”
“You punched a girl, then stripped her, Jessica?” Moose asked incredulously, his smile taking up his whole, stupid face.
“Moose, you better not tell anyone about this!” I raised a finger of death. “Or I swear I’ll do that same thing to you!”
“Will you talk like John Wayne when you do?” Lump asked with a grin.
“Jessica,” Adam said, disapproval plain in his voice, “I knew you was crazy, but this is a bit overboard.”
“Don’t make me start telling your stories, Adam,” Moose warned ominously.
“Ah now, everyone knows I’m ass backwards. But Jess there has a reputation of angel to uphold. Ain’t that right, Willie?”
Apparently that was a grand joke because everyone laughed. But me. Jerks.
We all wandered away from the bar and mingled. I hung out with Moose, who didn’t know if his girlfriend would show because she was having dinner with her parents. Adam was getting chatted up by Claire, Jane was after Brad, and Flem was nowhere to be seen. It was here, wondering where William got to, that I realized he’d stayed behind at the bar. With Lump.
My heart sank to the pit of my stomach.
I tried not to notice and talked with Flem, who joined us with two guys in toe. The conversation was lively and pleasant, but I didn’t hear much of it. More women and men joined us in our area, some even joining our group, but none of them I knew, or listened to. More drinks were served, and yet still Lump and William talked. I was getting increasingly sick to my stomach.
I knew I could trust William. I knew I could. And I knew I could trust Lump. She had never gone home, or even on a date, with a guy that tried to get her by going through me.
But still.
What if William realized that his soul mate was really Lump? What if he didn’t share Adam’s view of appearance? Worse... what if he cheated on me?
I realized Flem was looking closely at my face, saying my name. I tried to concentrate on her. She looked behind me at Lump and William, then back to me. I saw that Adam was looking at me closely, too. I hadn’t realized he’d joined the group. Jane and Claire, who also snuck back, were purposely looking elsewhere.
Was I that transparent?
“I need to pee,” Flem announced.
Adam started and looked at her with obvious embarrassment.
She looked back. “What? I do! C’mon Jess.”
She dragged me away from everyone toward the VIP bathrooms.
“She wouldn’t, Jess,” was the first thing she said.
“What?”
“She would never. And not only that, he wouldn’t. I know southern boys. That guy was brought up right, and he loves you, Jessica. He obviously doesn’t know you that well based on the fact that he thinks the sun shines out of your ass, but he does love you. You are a gross couple. At best.”
“Can’t help but being worried, though, you know? She’s taken so many by not even trying. And then they were talking all close...”
“I know. She knows. But she would never do it. She is loyal like a man. I know you. I know you are hung up on that. But let it go. Let the trust reign for your friend and for Little Willie.”
We didn’t talk for the rest of the bathroom trip. I was thinking on my worries and wondering if William had ever cheated on a girl. We got back and I saw William look at me anxiously. I could tell he wanted to come over, but didn’t.
I walked to him; half nudged by Flem, and put my hand through his.
“Hey,” I said.
He looked down at me apprehensively.
“Do you want to get a shot?” he asked.
“Uh, just us?”
“Yes.”
Suddenly everything Flem said didn’t mean anything anymore. I was terrified this would be bad news. I shook my head.
He nodded his head in return. Hurt entered his expression and he calmly led me to the bar.
He ordered two Patron shots. Tequila. Bad news. I hope I don’t end up dancing na**d on the bar. Again.
“Lump told me about what you thought always happened in L.A.”
“What?!”
“She is worried that you think she’ll seduce me or something. She also says you have a complex about her being better looking than you.”
Wow, that about summed it up.
He took my silence to mean I agreed. A pained look came to his eyes. “Jessica.” He slowly shook his head. “Why would you think that of me?”
“I just. She...” Tears came to my eyes. I shook my head. “She is prettier, William. And capable and adaptable and one time a guy walked into the bar to meet me, then pretended he wasn’t there for me and hit on Lump. We were in separate areas when he walked in; he didn’t know she was with me. But still he left me for her. I just… It’s hard to think you’ll choose me when she’s in the room, you know?”
I knew it was a stupid thing to say as it came out. I knew they were dumb fears. I just couldn’t help it. It really mattered this time. I had a lot to lose. I couldn’t just laugh this one off if it happened.
He just looked at me. The shots arrived. He saluted me and we took the shot together. He continued to look at me. My tears overflowed. Still he looked.
“You are the stupidest smart person I know,” he started. “You think the only thing men want is a pretty pu**y, do you?”
I recoiled by his language. It was gross and harsh and not at all like him.
“You think your friend is prettier than you. You dated some pretty-boy disasters, poorly raised, no clue how to handle themselves or treat a woman, and they chase after the closest skirt moving. One of those girls was the girl you think is prettier. And that, what? Is going to set you up with men for life?”
“She always got the guys,” I answered lamely.
“Is that why she’s single?”
I just looked at him. Good point. Currently working on rebuttal.
“Getting a guy is easy. Keeping a guy, or a guy keeping a girl, is hard. Like now, for example. If it was 1960 I would probably back-hand you. I wouldn’t know that was wrong, and I would feel better that I hurt you back. Because I feel pretty shitty right now. Your lack of trust is something...” He shook his head and looked away.
After a pause he said, “After all we’ve been through. After all we’ve shared. After everything, why am I still trying to convince you that I am for real? All for you? Only you. Only you. Does the word ‘love’ mean so little to you?”
Oh man. If he had a razor blade against my heart it wouldn’t hurt as much.
“I’m sorry. It isn’t that I accused you, William. Because I do trust you. It’s just...” I took a raged breath. “It’s just that I’m insecure and didn’t realize it was this deep until it mattered, okay? I trust you. I trust her. I just… am stupid and insecure.” I trailed off and looked away.