But what he did to you was cruel, too. Don’t forget it.
“After the interview, I started to search for you on the Internet. I found you through your sister Brenna’s Facebook page,” he admits. “I saw a photo of you there.”
My mouth drops open. I’d purposely avoided social media just to stop this sort of situation, yet that’s how Ethan found me.
“I’ll admit I did a few illegal searches. There are ways to hack into systems, to find out information that people don’t want you to know.” He pauses, shaking his head once. “But I found the purchase of your house legally. Your address was right there. I knew where you lived, so I went to your house.”
My heart sinks. “You did?”
He nods, his expression grim. “I never did anything else. I wanted to see where you lived. I wanted to make sure you were happy, Katie. That’s it. After so much suffering, after dealing with everything all those years, I just wanted . . . hell, I don’t know what I wanted. My motives were selfish, too, I can’t lie.”
“Selfish how?” I frown.
“I wanted to see you. See you in person, just once. I only went by your house that one time. Your neighbor called me out and questioned me, so I left. But after that I started . . . fuck, I started to follow you.”
This went so much deeper than I realized. I should be terrified. I should run out of his house and never look back. “Why?” My voice is nothing but a rasp of sound.
“I was worried about you, Katie. You seemed so alone. And you were being reckless. When you went to the park where it all happened, I couldn’t fucking believe it. I told myself to keep driving, to let you go out there on your own, but in the end, I couldn’t. I kept pace behind you the entire time you were there that day.”
“And those kids who tried to mug me?” He frowns and I wave a hand. “You didn’t set that up, did you?”
“My God, no. I would never do something like that to you. Those kids were trying to take your purse. And I stepped in. I couldn’t just stand by and let them hurt you. I could never forgive myself if something happened to you.”
So he really did run in and rescue me that day. Once I discovered he was Will, my mind had gone back to that moment and I wondered if he’d set it up. Not that I ever wanted to believe it, but I wasn’t sure. I was unsure of everything at that point. I’m still unsure.
“Why did you cut me off when we were younger? You just . . . quit talking to me.” I need to know. That had hurt so much and I’d been so devastated. I never understood how he could just end all contact like that with me so easily.
“Aw, Katie.” He makes a face and shakes his head. “I was young and stupid and listening to my lawyer, who said it wouldn’t look good if I were in contact with you. I was stupid enough to tell him that we talked. I just . . . I felt bad. Figured you didn’t need me in your life anymore. I was just a reminder of what happened to you.”
He was the only good thing to come out of that entire situation. “It hurt, how you just cut me off.”
“It hurt me, too. I thought I was doing what was best, but I was just a kid,” he admits. “I never wanted to bother you again.”
“But you sought me out again, all these years later,” I say weakly, uneasy with the way he’s looking at me. Not in a bad way. I’m aware of the attraction between us, the quiet need to feel his hands on me. I want to fight it. I need to fight it.
It’s so hard.
“I couldn’t resist.” His voice is low, his gaze direct. “When it comes to you, I’ve discovered I can never resist.”
“Yet now, you never found an opportunity to tell me the truth,” I point out. I want to hear his reasons for not telling me. I need to know why he kept that secret.
“I always told myself, just one more time. I’d see you, talk to you, spend a few minutes with you just one more time and then I could walk away. But it was never that easy. The more I was with you, the more I started to fall for you.” His gaze is locked on mine, intense and almost pleading. “I know we can’t be together. It will never work out for us, Katie. I realize that. But for that tiny amount of time that we were together and happy, it was the best time of my life. I need you to know that. Nothing I’ve ever done was meant to hurt you, and I’m sorry that I did. I’m sorry that I lied, that I misled you.”
I swallow past the lump in my throat. I want to hug him. I want to offer up my forgiveness and tell him I’ll be there for him no matter what. I want to be his rock. He needs to know I care.
But I say none of those things. I just stare at him for a quick, agonizing moment before I bow my head, too overwhelmed by the chaotic emotions swirling within me.
“I know we can’t start over,” he murmurs. “But I have no one else. There’s no one I can talk to about this. I don’t want to put this on you or make you feel guilty, but—I need you, Katie. And I realize I’m asking for too much. You can tell me to go to hell if you want. I’d deserve it.”
He’s already suffered in hell for years. How can I turn him away now?
Somehow she finds the courage to read the letter. She sits on the couch, holding it far away from her, as if she’s afraid my father can leap from the page and attack her face. Her hands shake, the paper rattles in her grip, and she takes plenty of cleansing, fortifying breaths.
That I asked her to read this means I’m a complete dick. But I need to know if my overactive imagination is at play or if I’m interpreting his words correctly. I sit in an overstuffed chair, wrenching my hands together, anxious as hell. I’m almost scared to hear what she thinks.