Those two words pound a restless rhythm in my soul the rest of the time I sit with him. The entire walk back to the tiny apartment I share with Kari, I feel those simple words pulse in my blood with every step I take. I hope she’s not home because I want to sit alone on the couch, in the dark quiet, and savor the simple words.
Need. You.
I’m probably insane for thinking this way. Boys don’t matter. Boys are bad. Look at my father. He’s done nothing but hurt Mom their entire marriage. That she still supports him and remains married to him despite everything he’s done makes me want to hit something.
Preferably my father.
I don’t romanticize anything. I’m straightforward in how I think, what I do. Everything has a cause and an effect. A reason. And there is absolutely no reason for me to react this way when it comes to Owen. I hardly know him, and what I know of him doesn’t impress me.
But I want him. I want to keep looking at him, get to know him. I want to know what it feels like to have him touch me. I want to touch his lips and see if they’re as soft as they look. I want to feel his arm slide around me and hold me close. I want to …
My cell rings just as I approach the front door of my apartment. Pulling the phone from my pocket, I check who the caller is and answer. “Are you home?”
“Nope, and you won’t be either when I come and pick you up in twenty minutes,” Kari says cheerily, in this tone that tells me she’s up to no good.
“What’s going on?” I ask as I unlock the door and enter the apartment. It’s quiet and dark, would have been the perfect scenario for me to sit and go over what happened with Owen earlier again and again, but …
Kari is totally ruining that option. And she’s not even home.
“We’re going out for drinks. I talked to these two cute guys in the library and they asked if we wanted to meet up with them later tonight.”
“Kari. I’m not even old enough to order a drink.” Uneasiness slips over me, settling low in my stomach. If they want to meet for drinks, they are most likely older. They’d probably run screaming the minute they met me. Kari’s good at the flirtatious, carefree thing. Me, not so much. “Who are these guys?”
“I don’t know, but they’re pretty. And when I say pretty, I mean gorgeous. They’re in a frat.” At my hesitation she rattles on. She knows I’m going to say no or come up with some sort of excuse. She’s got me all figured out. “Hey, we can just drink water and eat appetizers, Chelsea. We don’t have to tell them we’re not old enough for alcohol.” Kari mutters something unintelligible. “I’m telling you, we need to get fake IDs, and soon.”
The very last thing I want to do is get a fake ID. I’m not about to get into trouble with the law. “Where do they want to meet us?”
“The District.” Kari’s voice is practically vibrating. Her excitement is infectious. I can feel it bubble up inside of me despite my apprehension. “I’ve never been, and you know I’ve been dying to go there.”
Kari wasn’t exaggerating. The young, beautiful, and very trendy types hang out at The District. Kari would definitely fit in.
Me? Not really.
I set my backpack on the tiny kitchen table and go sit on the couch, heaving a big sigh. “I don’t know. I have home—”
“If you say you have homework, I’m going to beat you.” Kari’s voice is so fierce I don’t doubt her threat for a second. “You never, ever go out. Ever. You’re going to shrivel up and die an old maid if you don’t at least make an attempt at a social life. Despite what your mom says, and who is she to talk, boys are not the devil. They’re actually a lot of fun if you’d just talk to one once in your life. Come on, Chelsea.” Her voice takes on that pleading sound that tends to work on me. “Do it for me. We’ll have fun.”
I want to believe her. I desperately want to fit in. It’s been a struggle since I was nine and they accelerated me into the sixth grade when I should have been in the fourth. The older kids wanted nothing to do with me; the younger ones thought I’d ditched them and ignored me. I’ve been an outsider ever since.
Even now. Kari’s the only one who stuck by me, even when we were in different grades. Look at her now, my roommate, helping me out. Trying to get me dates.
“For once in your life you should ignore your responsibility and go hang out with a boy. Have some innocent fun and kiss him.” I start to protest but she cuts me off. “I’m dead serious. There is nothing wrong with meeting a guy, flirting with him, have a little make-out session, and then move on. It’s called being young.”
My problem is I don’t know how to be young. I’ve been saddled with all of this intense responsibility all my life. If it’s not trying to keep up my grades, it’s trying to take care of Mom when Dad’s ditched her yet again.
I swear I’m a middle-aged woman trapped in a teenage body.
“Fine,” I say, sounding all put out, feeling all put out, too. I don’t want to do this. But I don’t want Kari to hate me, either. I never go out with her. I’m always studying or working or avoiding real life so I don’t get hurt. I’d rather lock myself up in my room and study when I don’t really need to than go out and have fun.
Fun … scares me.
“Yay! You won’t regret this, I promise. I’ll be home in an hour. I told them we’d meet up around nine or so. We can hunt through my closet for something for you to wear and you’re going to look smokin’ hot. Trust me.” Kari prattles on, talking about makeup and hair and whatever else. I’m really not paying attention. All I can think about is another boy. Someone else I’d rather impress, but he doesn’t really see me like that.