But the campus is huge, like this sprawling, intricate maze I keep getting lost in. There are so many people here, way more than at my old college. I lost my way more than once today, getting completely turned around even after having a tour of this place and a map to follow. I even used Siri on my phone and that bitch was no help.
Doesn’t help that Professor Bailey is droning on about the class syllabus, what he expects from us, how we’re going to be working on group projects a lot throughout the semester and our final grade will depend a whopping fifty percent on them. A lot of the same type of information I heard in my previous classes so I’m feeling a little bored. A lot sleepy. I rest my chin on my fist, my elbow propped on the tiny desk and my eyes slide kind of half closed.
Okay, there’s no kind of about it. My eyes are closed. It’s warm. So very, deliciously warm. And he keeps talking in this deep, monotone voice I find soothing. He’s attractive yes, but it’s not a good trait when he can put me to sleep within ten minutes of hearing him talk. Not that I’m hot for teacher. No, I’m completely ridiculous and still holding onto feelings for a guy who’s completely unattainable.
At least I had him though, right? Even if only for a little while…
My mind drifts down the rabbit hole known as Gabe Land. Just thinking about him makes me tingle in all the good places. I saw a guy earlier today walking ahead of me while I was trying to find the building for my second class, and the way he moved reminded me of Gabe. He almost swaggered, his posture perfect, his wide shoulders straight. He wore a T-shirt and cargo shorts, something Gabe would wear and I was so tempted to run up and catch him. Grab his hand and anticipate seeing his handsome face as he turned to look at me.
Then again, I wouldn’t want Gabe to be on campus with me…would I? It was difficult enough, having to keep up the pretense of being a rich girl with him. Not that it seemed to matter. Most of the time when we hung out, we never talked about our pasts or our families, or money or any of that stuff. We kept it easy. Simple. I know he’s not a big fan of his family and really, I kept my mouth shut most of the time. I was so quiet most of the time that he told me I intrigued him.
Me. The mysterious girl. Imagine that.
But with Gabe, I was. I pretended to go along with his assessments of me because his speculation gave me a break. I didn’t have to come up with a backstory and it was awesome. He did all the hard work for me. And though I played along with his plan, like I was the poor little rich girl neglected by her daddy and always seeking his love, it kind of sucked.
I didn’t like being a liar. It hurt, holding back my truth from him. Would he really care? He didn’t seem judgmental but I don’t know. I’m sure his parents wouldn’t approve of me. Maybe Gabe ultimately wouldn’t approve of me either. Fun enough to fuck around with, but get serious with the girl? That was another thing entirely.
Ouch. Just thinking that is painful.
Though I was the one who insisted on it being just a summer affair between us, I did that to save my heart. I didn’t want to develop feelings for him because it was pointless. Nothing would ever happen between us.
Nothing.
The professor is still droning on and I close my eyes briefly once. Twice. A little longer every time. I could sleep just like this. Well, maybe not full on sleep but definitely doze. Yeah, doze off for a little bit. Not like I’m missing anything. I already read the class syllabus online earlier this morning when I couldn’t sleep. I know what’s expected of us for the semester. After class, I still need to go to the bookstore and pick up a few books. I only have two classes tomorrow and I’ll be done by noon. I’m taking fifteen units this semester and if I can get a job on campus I could earn a couple more units for that as well…
My elbow gives out and I nearly drop my chin on the desk as I fall forward. The entire thing happened in maybe five seconds tops but that was enough to create a loud ruckus that caused every head in the room to swivel up and look straight at me.
“Did you have something you wanted to say?” Professor Bailey called up to me.
I shake my head, my cheeks hot with embarrassment. I’m such an idiot. First day of school and I make a horrible impression. Tonight I’m going to bed early, I don’t care what Gina wants to do. I refuse to fall into the partying lifestyle. I can’t put my education at risk. It’s about the only thing I’ve got to help me gain a solid career and a better life. “No, I’m sorry to interrupt.” I offer him a tiny smile.
He doesn’t smile in return, just resumes talking. What a grump. Slowly, surely, everyone turns around and faces him once more and I breathe a sigh of relief. Could I be more obvious or what?
It’s like someone is still watching me though. I feel every hair on my body stand on end and I subtly look around, hoping to catch someone blatantly staring at me. But I see no one looking in my direction. My skin feels hot. Itchy. I press my lips together and drop my head, staring blindly at my tablet’s empty note page. I broke down and bought an iPad for school, though it’s used. I couldn’t bring myself to spend top dollar.
That being watched feeling is still so strong. I lift my head quickly, hoping to catch someone and that’s when I see him. A quick turn of his head, like he was never looking in my direction in the first place, and I stare at the back of his head, practically willing him to turn around with my mind.
He doesn’t. I continue to stare. It’s like he knows I’m watching him now and I drop my head, let my hair fall in front of my face, though I can still see him.