The problem is that it's too easy and comfortable. I can't get comfortable with Addison. Hell, I can't get that comfortable with anyone. Too comfortable is dangerous. Relying on people is dangerous.
That's the thing I know about life. When you love people, they leave you. I learned that lesson with my mother. Never let anyone get close – that's a lesson I taught myself. That's what my mother's death taught me.
I have to get away from Addy. Out of sight, out of mind. It's the only way. I break out my emergency smoke and the lighter.
By the time I finish smoking the cigarette, I've made a decision.
PRESENT DAY
Damn it, damn it, damn it. I push the door to my room, and it slams shut loudly, louder than I intended. Shit. Now Addison will think I'm angry at her, that I'm some dickhead who's throwing a temper tantrum because I wanted to fuck her and she didn't want to let me in her bedroom, when that's not it at all.
I'm fucking infuriated with myself. I'm infuriated with myself for standing there, one hand on her bedroom door and the other hand wrapped around my cock, stroking myself while I pictured her with her fingers inside her panties. The minute I heard her call my name, I could tell what she was doing, my name on her lips in the throes of orgasm. I wanted her to touch herself again, to bring herself to orgasm again while I was there. I wanted her let me in so I could finish what I started out there in the hallway.
My dick is still as hard as a fucking rock, and I lean with my back against the bedroom door, running my hand down the length of my cock. I close my eyes, picturing Addison in front of me. I imagine my hands in her hair, traveling over her breasts, cupping her curvy ass.
I picture Addison on her knees in front of me, looking up at me.
Addison, with her sweet lips wrapped around my cock.
The image of Addy taking me in, Addy sucking me dry, pushes me over the edge with a vengeance.
It's her face I see when I come.
And it's her name I groan, not even bothering to try to stay silent. I hope she hears me. I hope she knows I just came, thinking about her.
It's two hours before Addison comes out of her room. I guess I should be impressed that she came out at all, honestly. I sort of figured she'd hide away in there all day, give me some bullshit excuse about how she was feeling sick. But she didn't.
I guess she has more balls than I thought she did.
She sits down at the counter in the kitchen without looking at me, and I pour a cup of coffee, sliding it toward her. "Thanks," she says.
"Did you go back to sleep?" I ask, sipping my coffee. Well, this is about as awkward as I expected it to be.
"Hendrix, we should talk about what happened," she starts. But she doesn't look at me, clearly embarrassed.
"Should we?" I ask. "Because nothing happened."
"Out in the hallway," she says. "And then...what you heard. And what I heard."
Oh good, she heard me, I think. But I shrug nonchalantly. "It was a momentary lapse in judgment," I say.
"That's it." She looks up at me, her eyes wary. "You were going to...kiss me."
I turn to grab the printout of her schedule and put it in front of her on the counter, intending to change the subject. "I was horny, and you were wearing...that shirt. And those panties."
"You saw my panties?" she asks.
"Shit, Addy." I shake my head, laughing. "You're something. Let's just write it off, all right? Nothing happened."
"That's it," she says, her voice wary. "You were just horny. I was just horny."
No, that's not fucking it, I think. That's what I want to say. That's not it at all. But I don't. "That's it," I lie. I force a shrug, and a casualness I definitely don't feel. "You know me, sweet cheeks. Have I ever been able to pass up a hot chick?"
"You think I'm a hot chick?" she asks, her cheeks flushing.
Damn it. I clench my jaw. "You're Addy," I say. "Not a hot chick."
"You're saying I'm not hot, then?" But the corner of her mouth turns up, and I think she's about to break into her signature grin. Thank God she's not taking this seriously.
"You're the hottest girl I know," I say, looking her in the eye. That makes her face flush deeper.
"Obviously, the Marines have ruined you," she says. "You probably haven't been around any hot girls in years."
"That's probably it," I lie. "And it explains my temporary lapse in judgment. It was basically temporary insanity."
"Yes." She nods. She doesn't look away, and for a minute, I think about walking around to the other side of the counter, picking her up and setting her on the marble, so she can wrap her legs around me. I want to take her right here, right now.
But I don't.
Addy clears her throat. "So it won't happen again."
I can't tell if she's telling me, or asking a question. "No, Addy-girl," I say. "It won't happen again."
I want to be telling the truth. It shouldn't happen again. It can't happen again. I know the stakes for her if it does. If I put my lips on her, it's over. Everything is over. Her career, her future. I knew the stakes when I signed up for this gig. Her record label would eat her alive.