"Maeve... I'm here by phone. And the minute you can have visitors, I'll be there. You know I will. But you have to try to work through this."
She's silent and doesn't answer me. She's punishing me, I know, because I didn't answer her call.
Anger and frustration well up inside of me, because her attitude is reminiscent of my Da's. I know Maeve has issues... is sick and needs help. But she's also playing a game, just like my Da used to play.
Taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, I ask her, "Do this for me, Maeve... okay? I'm asking you to do this for me."
I hate to play that card, because I feel like I'm implying some sort of deeper feelings for her than I really have. But I'm desperate to keep her in there so she can get help.
I'm immediately rewarded, her voice suddenly cheerful. "Okay... I'll do it. But only for you."
I think to myself, No, you need to do this for you, but there's no sense in speaking it out loud.
We speak for just a few more minutes, and then Dr. Madden is back on the phone, thanking me for talking to her. He promises to call me back in a few days, and let me know how she's doing.
When I disconnect, Sean immediately asks, "She wants to leave? After like only five days?"
"Yeah. She tried to call me yesterday and was pissed I didn't answer."
Sean makes a disapproving sound in his throat and doesn't say anything. But I can tell he's thinking something.
"What, man? What was that noise for?"
I glance at him, and he looks me square in the eye. I hold the look for just a second, before turning my attention back to the road. His words wash cold over me. "I don't think this is going to work out well for anyone. She's definitely got a drinking problem, but I think she has an unusual attachment to you that borders on stalker crazy."
"No. She just—"
Sean cuts me off. "Hear me out, man, because no one else has the balls to say it to you. But Maeve isn't right, and I'm not sure thirty days of rehab can fix her. We've all seen the signs for a lot longer than this last breakdown. She's been obsessed with you since you broke up and I'm betting it was going on longer than that. Hell, maybe she even loves you. But you f**ked up when you got in bed with her and brought it to the next level. You may have had no problem backing away from that type of intimacy, but Maeve clearly has. She's been spiraling ever since. The drinking on top is just a bad recipe."
I'm silent as I digest what he's saying. Have her problems been worse and I just not noticed? Is her obsession with me something dark and volatile, rather than just a lasting crush? And, oh, f**k... have I led her on in anyway? I think of those times that I let her sit near me so she can lay her head on my shoulder, or the way she will sometimes possessively touch me when I'm around other women. I usually never stopped it, because frankly, it was easier to let her do it rather than fight.
"Fuck me, Sean," I say, in acknowledgment that what he is saying is true. "I've made this worse, haven't I?"
"No, man. That's not what I'm saying. This is all on Maeve. All I'm saying is that we are dealing with a sick girl, and I'm worried that this is going to be destructive to everything we've worked so hard to accomplish. It's just a feeling and I just want you to be cognizant of it when you're dealing with her."
"Should we cut her out of the band?" The thought of doing that makes me want to puke. OTE will suffer if she leaves. I'll suffer if she leaves, because more than anything, she's still one of my closest friends.
"No. We don't need to be thinking like that. We need to do everything we can to support her to get better."
"Okay... you're right," I say with relief.
Because I can't give up on Maeve, particularly if I've been the cause of some of her issues. The guilt is pressing down on me hard, and I vow that I need to make fixing this a priority.
CHAPTER 9
Renner
I check my watch as I walk to The Hibernian and see that I'm going to be my usual fifteen minutes early. So much for living life on the wild side.
But who needs the wild side anyway? There are benefits to having order, and surprises are way too stressful. There's not anything lacking from my life, I'm sure of it.
However, if that's true, then why can't I get Cillian's last words out of my head?
He told me that I had received something from our exchange the other night. I mentally calculate the list of emotions that ran through me. Anger, frustration, hurt, sorrow. That list just doesn't seem to be what I need. I've had plenty of that in the not-so-distant past.
There were other things that happened to me. Pleasure, beyond pleasure. That almost outweighed the bad, but not quite. Besides, I'm confident that's not what Cillian was talking about. He's arrogant, for sure, but he's confident enough in himself that he wouldn't need to point that out.
No, it's something more. And I feel like I should know what it is, yet it's just beyond my reach.
Without thinking twice about it, I pull my phone out of my purse and dial my mom. She answers almost immediately.
"Renner, baby! How are you?"
My heart swells and expands, just hearing her voice. Nora Caldwell is my light among lights. Even though I was a daddy's girl growing up, my mom and I developed a closeness these last few years that surpassed the bond I have with my dad.
"I'm fine. Dublin's great. Everything's great. How are you and Daddy?"