I should have told her that we had to remain just friends, so she wouldn't continue to think that someday he and I might be together again, but I couldn't bring myself to say it.
“And don't think I didn't notice that you didn't deny being in love with him.” She winked and took a big bite.
Crap.
Brandon came back a few minutes later, Jeremy rushed up to pull me in for a long hug, and the four of us hung out until later that night when my eyes started to get heavy. We said our goodbyes and hugged, Carrie made me promise to come around more often, and I was more than happy to agree. She was too bubbly and fun to not want to be around. The next thing I knew, my heavy eyelids slowly opened when Brandon lowered me to my bed.
“I'm sorry,” I whispered, my voice raspy from the short nap, “I didn't mean to fall asleep.”
He smiled and tucked a loose chunk of hair behind my ear, “Don't worry about it, you were tired.”
“Mhmm. I had a great time though, thanks for taking me.”
“Anytime, get some sleep.” He leaned over and kissed my forehead softly once. As soon as his lips touched me, my gummy bear woke up.
I laughed once, “I don't think that will be happening, he's been asleep until now, he'll start kicking soon and won't stop for the next few hours.”
Brandon slid onto the bed and put his hands under my shirt, resting them on my stomach. I sucked in a quick gasp but didn't say anything. We'd already gone way past our friend-only-touching-zone when he'd held me and I kissed him on the cheek this morning. He may talk to my gummy bear every day, but when his hands were on me, they were always over my shirt. Not now though. Now, I was lying in bed, he had his hands on my bare stomach, gently caressing it, and was looking at me from under thick black eyelashes. All I could think about was kissing him. My baby was going crazy, moving his legs and arms back and forth, and Brandon looked so happy I closed my eyes and pictured a world where this could be okay. A world where Brandon and I had stayed together, eventually gotten married and were now expecting.
After what must have been at the very least ten minutes later, Brandon leaned forward, his deep voice husky and hypnotic, “Be good to your mom little man, she needs to sleep.” and then he kissed my stomach. So soft, so tender, I couldn't be sure if I'd imagined it. Then he straightened and came closer to me, “Good night, I'll see you tomorrow sweetheart.”
I wrapped my hands around his neck and brought his face closer to mine, when our lips were barely an inch away I paused, giving both of us that opportunity to stop. We stared into each other’s eyes for a few moments and I finally pressed my mouth to his. Our lips were still for a brief second before they began moving against each other in perfect unison. His tongue glided against my bottom lip and I opened my mouth to him, allowing us to explore each other for the first time in almost half a year. A wave of heat rushed through my body and I pulled him closer. Brandon moved his mouth in a line along my jaw to my ear and down my throat. He nipped at the hollow at the base of my neck and a soft moan escaped my mouth. I brought his face back up to mine, but our kisses slowed until he was barely brushing his lips against mine.
“I'll see you tomorrow Harper, sweet dreams.” He whispered into my mouth before kissing me hard one last time.
On their own accord, my hands reached out for him, “Can you stay with me?”
Heat flashed through his hazel eyes, “Not tonight. I want to be sure this is what you want.” I started to protest, but he stopped me with another mind blowing kiss, when he pulled back, both of us were breathless, “Sleep on it, we'll talk tomorrow.”
***
I woke early the next morning and stayed in bed for almost two hours thinking about what I want. I know what I want, but I don't know if I can have that. I think I lost the right to have it, and how would the family feel if I were to start dating Brandon again? Would they think I'd never actually cared for Chase, and that every day I wasn't constantly wishing for another stupid time machine so I could go back and stop him? I felt like it would be one big screw you to them. I mentally kicked myself for letting myself act on my feelings for Brandon last night as I took a shower and walked downstairs for some breakfast.
“Hey Mom.” I kissed her cheek and thanked her for the protein smoothie she'd made me. “Good timing...?”
“I heard you in the shower, figured you'd be down here soon. How did everything go yesterday?”
“It was really nice. Like, oddly nice.”
Mom tilted her head to the side and gave me her, I'm thoroughly confused but know you're about to tell me anyway so I'll keep my mouth shut, face and waited. I told her about the weird conversation with Carrie after we'd first gotten there and about the rest of the time with Brandon's family. I finished by lamely admitting that I'd kissed Brandon last night before he left.
She smiled and grabbed my hand, “I know you think you can't, but you can move on in that area of your life too. In fact, you should. Chase wouldn't want you to raise the baby and live your life alone.”
“I won't be alone,” I countered, “I'll have you guys.”
“You will have us, always, but don't shut love out of your life. Chase would want you to have a husband, he would want the baby to have a father.” She wiped a tear from her cheek.
“But isn't this too soon? I'm so confused, it's like when I was fighting my feelings for Chase when I was dating Brandon, only now I feel like I'm acting as if Chase didn't matter to me by even considering anything with Brandon.”