Her attempt to make us okay rattles me—in a good way. I can’t think of many people who have ever tried to make things work with me. “Noah’s great, but he was off tonight.”
“It’s okay. I’m sure it was weird to see a girl in his apartment.”
I pull at my bottom earring. I’ve been with other girls. The ones who were interested in being with the guy with the tattoos and earrings for a night. I’ve never minded being used. But with Rachel, there’s a softness that hits her eyes when she looks in my direction, and it’s messing with me.
“Tell him I’m sorry I was there so late,” she continues. “I don’t want him to think badly of me.”
“You...ah...” Didn’t pick up that he thought you were a one-night stand? “Weren’t scared of Noah?”
Rachel sort of laughs, “No.” She pauses. “Should I be? He seemed friendly.”
“No, he’s cool. You bolted into the bathroom and...”
She dips her head, and as we pass a streetlight, I catch the red invading her cheeks. “Sorry about that. I did forget my bracelets and I did drop them, but it was weird, you know, meeting someone at 1:00 a.m.”
“Yeah.” Weirder than that? She was there at one in the morning and I hadn’t slept with her. I shove my hands into my jeans pockets and silently curse myself.
I glance at Rachel, and she quickly averts her eyes when I spot her spying on me. What the f**k does she see when she looks at me? If she saw what was inside, she’d be screaming. The outside is modest projection.
Rachel can’t like me because she doesn’t know me. The real me. For Rachel, life is still sunshine, rainbows and pink f**king fuzzy unicorns. I’m nothing but darkness, clouds and rats.
I should never have kissed her or brought her home. She deserves better than the brokenness inside me. I’ll hold on to tonight. Burn the memory of the way she’s looked at me into my mind because that’s as close as I’ll ever get to something like this again. Besides, if she saw me in daylight, away from the filth that I live in, she’d change her mind.
Just like Beth did the moment she left town.
Faster than I would have preferred, we reach the parking lot of the auto shop.
“What about your car?” she asks as I enter the security code.
The motor whines as the garage door lifts. “I’ll head over and fix the tire now.”
“Do you want help? I’m pretty crafty with a jack and a tire iron.”
I turn to tell her no and stop when I see her face. I swear, she glows. Her eyes shine like stars, and her smile radiates with a light all its own. My throat swells. I don’t want to give her up. “No. I don’t want you getting into trouble at home.”
“See, you are bossy.” She finally takes her hands out of her pockets and nudges my biceps with one delicate finger.
My heart stutters with her caress, and as she drops her arm, I quickly reach out and snake my fingers through hers. So close to letting her go, I shouldn’t touch her, but in my defense, she touched me first. “Not bossy. Concerned. Truth, Rachel, I want to know if you feel safe going home.”
“It’s fine. Ethan would have texted me if there were problems. Mom and Dad probably haven’t even come home for the night.”
Yeah. I knew all about guardians who stayed out late to party. I guess having money changes nothing in the realm of shitty parenting. “Tell me your brothers protect you.” Because if not, I’d have to meet them in a dark alley sometime and school them on how to treat their sister.
“More like they’re overprotective.”
I savor the feel of the smooth skin of her hand. No girl I have ever touched has had hands this soft. “That’s not a bad thing.”
Rachel releases a frustrated sigh. “You know, I’m starting to think I misjudged you. You sound annoyingly like my brothers.”
She’s right on one thing: she has misjudged me, but not in the way she thinks. “Good. I’m all for overprotection.”
“Bossy.”
I chuckle, and the sound makes her smile. I’m going to miss that smile. Tell her it’s over, ass**le. Tell her that you come from two different worlds and that it would never work. Tell her that kiss meant more to you than she could ever imagine. Tell her that you’ll dream about her and think about her, but that’s where it ends.
The color drains from her face and her hand goes limp in mine. Did she figure out I’m bad news on her own? She heads for her car. “Do you have my keys?”
I fish them out of my pocket and toss them to her. With the click of a button, the car unlocks and she opens the passenger door. She keeps her back to me for a second then turns with a piece of paper in her hand. “Here’s my number. I almost forgot to give it to you.”
I swallow as I stare at the number. Tell her. Just f**king tell her. “Rachel...”
“You’ll call, right?” And the small amount of hurt in her voice stabs my heart.
I envelop Rachel in my arms and cup her head to my chest. She smells good. Like the ocean. Like her jacket. I try to memorize the feel of her body against mine: all soft and warm and curves. The paper in her hand crinkles as she links one arm, then another around my waist. Leaning into me, she lets out a contented sigh and I close my eyes with the sound.
Ten seconds. I’ll keep her for ten more seconds.
I want to keep her.
Two.
I shouldn’t.