“Seth has been taking care of his sisters for a really long time,” Matt says softly. “He’s used to doing it all by himself. He did it when his mom was in chemo. And he did it all through her treatments. It’s normal for him. He doesn’t mind it because it’s what he knows.”
“The little ones keep asking when she’s coming back, like she’s on vacation or at the office.” My throat is so thick that I feel like I’m going to choke.
He winces. “That’s got to be tough,” he says.
“I just wish I knew what to do from here,” I admit. I have no idea how to be a mom. I don’t know what to do for fevers, and I can barely change a diaper. Thank God the littlest one is almost potty trained. Although I am learning diapering out of sheer necessity. You put one on crooked, and you’re screwed.
“Are you going to keep them?” he asks.
“I don’t know what I’m going to do,” I admit. “I just don’t know. I don’t have to go back to work just yet. They’re letting me work from home. Well, not my home—Kendra’s home.”
“You’re still staying there?” he asks.
I nod. “For now. I thought it would be better for them to have someplace familiar, surrounded by their toys, their own beds, and even their mom’s things. At least for the moment.”
Matt takes my elbow in his grip and stops. “Skylar,” he says.
“What?” I look into his blue eyes and am almost startled at the intensity of his gaze.
“Can you love them? Really love them? Because there’s no shame in admitting you don’t want them or can’t take care of them. They deserve better.”
“They do deserve better than me,” I whisper. “But I’m all they have.” I snort, just because I can’t help it. “Honestly, Matt,” I say, “I can’t even keep a houseplant alive. What am I thinking?”
He brushes a lock of hair from my forehead. “Do you want to know what I think?” he asks.
“What?” I breathe. We’re in the middle of a crowded street, but I have never felt quite so separated from the rest of the world.
“I think you can do it. I have faith in you.”
“Why?” I ask. “You don’t even know me.”
“Because you care,” he says. “That’s all kids need. For someone to care.”
“Do you have kids?” I ask.
He shakes his head as a veil falls over his eyes. “No. Can I borrow yours sometimes?”
I laugh. “Kind of like a cup of sugar?”
He shakes his head. “I wouldn’t bring the cup of sugar back. The kids on the other hand…” He raises and lowers his hand like he’s weighing his words.
I laugh.
“I can’t have kids,” he says. “Or at least the chances are slim.” He puts up a hand when I open my mouth to ask a question. I know he had cancer, but I don’t know what kind or what his prognosis is. “Not being able to have something really has a tendency to make you want it more.” He points to Seth’s back. “See, you got three at once, and I can’t even have one.” He chuckles and nudges my shoulder with his. He keeps walking, and I stay beside him. “How does your boyfriend feel about them?” he asks.
I shrug my shoulders. “We haven’t really discussed it.”
“Don’t you think you should?” His brow furrows as he looks down at me.
“That’s complicated.”
Matt takes in a deep breath. “I have a confession to make,” he says. “Do you want to hear it?”
“Of course.”
“In the church, when I took your hand, it wasn’t just because you were trembling.”
My heart lurches, but now we’ve arrived at the restaurant. He ushers me through the door with a hand at the small of my back, and the time for small talk is over. Crap.
Matt
My brothers are pigs. I have known this for a long time, but it’s never more evident than when they’re all in one place. And in public. Sam and Pete are having an arm wrestling match in the middle of the table while we wait for the waitress to bring the check. Mellie and Joey have fallen asleep. They’re draped across Seth at angles that don’t look remotely comfortable, but I think he’s used to his sisters being all up in his space. His hand trails down Mellie’s back absently, and he looks down at her fondly, his smile soft. I go and sit down next to him.
“How’s it going, Seth?” I ask.
He shrugs and looks everywhere but at me. “Fine,” he says.
I nod and wait a moment. I’m pretty sure no one is paying us any mind, so I say what’s in my heart. “I remember when my mom died. People kept asking me if I was okay, and I told them I was, but I really wasn’t. Not even close.”
His gaze jerks to meet mine. “Your mom died?”
I nod. I hate talking about Mom because then I have to talk about Dad, too. “My mom died. I was a little younger than you. Then not long after that, our dad left, too.” I sweep my hand toward my brothers. “Then it was just the five of us.”
Seth heaves a sigh. “Sucks,” he grunts out. Then he lets his head fall back, and I finally see it. I see some of the exhaustion.
“Sucks ass,” I reply. “But all you can do is play the cards you’re dealt.” I point toward Skylar where she’s talking with Reagan, Emily, and Friday. She’s so damn pretty when she smiles that she takes my breath away. But if there was ever a woman who was out of my league, it’s Skylar Morgan. “How are things going with your aunt?” I ask.