“It’s not so hard to understand though, if you think about how he was,” Rusty said. “He loved you. And that’s what you do for people you love. You do what you can to help ’em out, give things up if that’s what needs to happen. It’s not that complicated. Most people just don’t go that far, is all.” He glanced over at me. “Finn was different from most people.”
“Do you think he ever regretted it?” I asked, not wanting him to be honest if the answer was yes.
Rusty shook his head. “No. Once he made his mind up about something, that was it. You know that.”
“Kind of like me dragging us all the way out here for Kyra Kelley’s show? To tell her about Finn?”
Rusty grinned. “Yeah. Kind of like that.”
“We’re missing her show, you know. After all that.”
“I know,” Rusty answered.
A wave broke, filling in the silence that followed. Something in my chest loosened, and I felt a smile rise to my face at the thought of Finn watching our trip play out, all because of his letter. “Can you imagine what he would think of this, though? Of us, in the Pala together?”
Rusty smirked. “He’d be laughing his ass off about you and your straight tequila night, that’s for sure.”
“Oh god, never bring that up again.” I smiled. “Or that kiss.”
Rusty cocked his head, and I immediately regretted bringing it up. “What kiss?” he asked, like he didn’t know. Was he really gonna make me say it?
“At the bar? On the dance floor? I kissed you . . .”
Now it was his turn to laugh. “That . . . never happened.”
“Yes it did. I remember, I . . . what do you mean it didn’t happen?” Heat rushed up my cheeks. “I didn’t kiss you?” I didn’t know whether to be relieved or disappointed.
Rusty shook his head. “No, you seemed like you might be going for it at one point, but the only thing you kissed that night was the toilet.”
“Oh,” I said, and it came out sounding definitely more disappointed than relieved. “This whole time I thought—you totally let me think I did.” I shook my head, trying to hide just how red my cheeks had gotten. “You’re a jerk, you know that?”
“Aw c’mon, H. I just let you think what you wanted to.” Rusty turned so that he was facing me. He might’ve been joking, but in the afternoon light, with the sun in his hair, and the little gold flecks in his eyes, and the ocean in the background, he was right. I wanted to.
“Oh, of course,” I said, my stomach all fluttery. “Because who wouldn’t want to kiss you, right?” It didn’t come off nearly as sarcastic as I was going for. “Please,” I added. But again, it didn’t come through with the right tone.
He just looked at me for a second, the corners of his mouth turned up like he was about to smile. “Since you asked so nice,” he said. Then he leaned forward a tiny bit, and I had a moment when I thought, This is not happening, but it was. We were. Oh, how we were. His lips just brushed mine at first, but then his hands were in my hair and I was alive all the way to my toes. The whole world could’ve fallen down around us and I wouldn’t have cared, because right then we were the only two in it. It was a kiss that said more than I’d expected—that he knew me, and cared about me, and maybe even . . . I could get carried away by a kiss like that.
Slowly, our lips parted but our faces still hovered almost close enough to touch. I wasn’t entirely sure what to do with that moment, and maybe Rusty wasn’t either, because he was just looking at me with those green eyes, and I still couldn’t believe he’d really kissed me and . . .
“That just happened,” I said finally. Out loud.
“Yeah.” Rusty cleared his throat and let a smile spread slow and easy across his face. “It sure did. ”
“Um . . .” I glanced up the beach, suddenly self conscious and with no idea where to go from there. What do you say to someone you just kissed for the first time? Especially when you’ve known them most of your life and they’re your brother’s best friend and also a good enough kisser you’re pretty sure you may want to do it again? For half a second, I thought Rusty might be thinking the same things and that he might make some joke about it or lean into me again. Something. Maybe. But just as fast as it snuck up on us, the moment was gone.
He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and putting some space between us. “Listen,” he said, suddenly serious. “I had to call Gina to get the registration all straightened out, so I told her where we are and everything.” He looked over at me. “You need to talk to her, though.”
The fluttery wings in my stomach stopped in midair and spiraled down into a dull feeling of guilt over lying to her. “Is she mad?”
“Worried. But she’ll probably be good and mad by the time you talk to her.” He nudged me with his shoulder. “You wanna go? Face the music?”
“Not yet.” I looked out over the ocean, trying to press the sound and smell and hugeness of it into my memory before I had to turn around and leave it. “Let’s go put our feet in the water again first.”
Rusty stopped walking and skipped a flat pebble into the sparkling path of sunlight on the ocean. “So you’re sure you don’t wanna try and see Kyra Kelley? Maybe get backstage? Show’s probably not over yet.” We both watched as the rock hopped one, two, three times before disappearing into the water.