“Easy there, cowboy. Somebody needs to tell it like it is.” The old snake of an officer snapped his eyes back to me. “The second thing you can do, sweetheart, Honor, is to show some respect for your brother’s memory by taking care of his things and getting this car up to date.”
“All right, that’s enough,” Chase said, glaring at his partner. “Let’s go call it in.”
My heart pounded in my chest as they walked back across the parking lot to the patrol car. I’d never hated anyone so much in my life as I hated that police officer right then. I wanted to scream.
“That guy’s an asshole,” Rusty said, putting his hand on my shoulder. “We’ll get it figured out. It’ll be okay.”
“No, Rusty, it won’t!” I snapped. “It’s not gonna be okay, because you parked us overnight right in front of a sign that says no overnight parking!” I twisted away from him and shook my head. “And then you mouthed off to that guy, so now he’s gonna take Finn’s car.” I was crying now, angry tears that slid fast and hot down my cheeks.
Rusty’s jaw tightened, and he took a step toward me, his voice low. “You need to calm down right now. This is not my fault.”
“Yes it is,” I spit back at him. “They wouldn’t be here if you hadn’t parked here. If you’d actually read the sign.” I looked up at it, deciding to ignore the fact that I hadn’t either. He’d been the one driving. Across the parking lot, the two officers stood on the far side of their car, looking like they were having an argument too.
“Yeah, Honor? What about the registration? Finn’s been gone over a year now. You didn’t think to check up on that?”
“Now you’re agreeing with that guy? I need to be more responsible?” I shook my head and laughed at the absurdity of it. “You’re one to talk, Rusty. You went off to the college Finn was supposed to go to and became even more of a drunk than you were in high school. You got a chance that he missed out on, and you blew it.” I didn’t have to look at him to know I’d hurt him. I turned my back instead and stared across the highway at the gray fog that hid the ocean. “Why don’t you just leave? Leave like he did. It was no problem for him, so it shouldn’t be one for you.”
Rusty’s voice was thick with anger. “Is that what you really think? That he just left you?”
I didn’t answer. I didn’t know what to think.
When Rusty spoke next, his voice came out flat. “Wow, Honor,” he said from behind me. “There’s a whole lot you don’t see.” He stepped around in front of me so I had to face him. “Maybe that cop is right, you know? Maybe it’s time for you to grow up and hear the truth, which is that you have no idea how to take care of yourself because Finn looked out for you your whole damn life.”
“Shut up.”
“No, there’s something else you should know, if you wanna talk about the truth.” He paused, then looked at me with eyes that flashed fierce with anger. “He didn’t give up a full ride and join the marines because he all of a sudden got patriotic.”
Something in me stilled, even though my heart pounded in my throat. “What are you talking about?”
“You know what a full ride means, Honor? It means he was going to school for free. To play football. Just like he wanted. He didn’t miss out on that chance, he gave it up. Changed his mind. For you. So he could pay for you to go to your stupid little dream school.”
“What are you even talking about?” I shook my head, took a step back. “I had money. Our parents left us money.”
“No they didn’t. Finn just told you that. Right after that trip you guys took to Austin, and you came back all bent on going there and nowhere else. You had your head so far up your ass about that, like you just assumed you could go wherever you wanted. So he figured out a way to make it happen for you, like he always did. You know what that was? Joining the marines for a paycheck and telling you your parents left you a college fund.”
“You’re a liar,” I said through gritted teeth.
Rusty snorted. “That’s one thing you’ve called me that I’m not.” He turned to walk away, then paused and leveled his eyes right at me. “I wish I was. But the truth is, him leaving—it’s all on you.” With that, he turned his back on me.
I sank down to the ground right where I’d been standing, hands on my head like they could block out what he said. But it was too late. Those words had already gone straight in and twisted up my insides into a knot of anger and guilt and ugliness. How could Finn have done that? I never would have said yes to that. And he never gave me a choice.
Beside my foot was a rock the size of my fist, and I wrapped my fingers around it and squeezed until my knuckles went white. Then I stood up with it heavy in my hand, wanting to break something.
And I did.
I brought my arm back and hurled it with all the force in me at the stupid No Parking sign bolted to the front of the kiosk that started this whole mess, but the throw was wild. The window above the sign exploded into a thousand jagged shards that clattered down onto the asphalt like glass rain. My breath left me. Rusty jumped and turned around, looking from me to the broken window. The two officers snapped to attention and started walking over quick, hands on their radios. And I stood there, out of breath, not feeling any better, but not wishing for a second that I could take it back either.