Great. “Okay,” I answered, my voice a notch or two higher than normal. I tried not to be too obvious about the deep breath I attempted to take. “Okay,” I said again—more for myself than anything else. I walked over to the rope and gave it a tug, then peered down into the center of the water, which now looked even farther away. Breathe.
“You want me to go first?” Rusty asked.
“No, no. I can do it. Just . . . working up my courage.” I did my best at a smile.
Rusty stepped up next to me and grabbed the rope. “Just get your hands up here and get a good grip, then take a running start when you jump. It’s gonna swoop you down at first and then arc you up over the middle of the creek. When you feel yourself go up like that, let go.”
“Okay,” I said for the fiftieth time. Breathe. It was time to just go and do it, just take those couple of steps off the edge and do it. I tightened up my grip on the rope and backed up. Rusty stepped aside, arms crossed over his chest, and nodded encouragement at me like a coach or something. I took one more breath. I wanted to be fearless, I did. Finn had been. And Rusty, he was always the kind of reckless you either admired or shook your head at. I, on the other hand, didn’t want to die jumping off this rock today, even if it meant losing a little dignity.
“Nope,” I said, letting the rope drop. “I can’t do it.” I backed up, disappointed in myself, and waited for the inevitable teasing to follow.
“You sure?” Rusty asked.
“Yep. And you don’t have to tell me what a chicken I am. I know, okay?” I crossed my arms over my chest, already planning my route down.
Rusty shrugged. “Doesn’t matter to me if you jump.” He grabbed the rope swinging between us. “I woulda been surprised if you did. Takes some balls.”
“Let’s see yours then,” I said, irritated he’d thought I wouldn’t do it.
“My balls?” Rusty laughed.
Why did I never think before I said something like that? “That’s not what I meant, you perve. Your jump. If you didn’t think I was gonna jump, that must be what we’re up here to see.” I stepped to the side all huffy, clearing him a path. “So go. Impress me.”
Rusty smirked and took a step back. “Now, why would I need to do that?”
I opened my mouth to respond, then decided to do that thing where you think before you speak. “Never mind. Do what you want. I’m going back down to swim.” I turned without waiting for him to answer and lowered myself down to the first foothold, intent on acting as uninterested as I could.
“Suit yourself,” he called after me.
I could hear the smile in his voice, and I knew he was gonna jump. When I got to the bottom, I sat down on the rock at the edge of the creek, dipped my feet in, and waited. Sure enough, about two seconds later, Rusty let out a yell and came sailing over the edge of the rock, all momentum and force. He flew down, fast and far in a wide arc, and when he got to the top of it, in that tiny moment between up and down, he didn’t just let go. He threw his body backward into a flip that came all the way around just before he plunged into the water, sending up a splash that reached me even at the edge.
It took a few seconds for him to come up, but when he did, he shook his hair out, clearly proud of himself, and he looked over at me, bright eyed and a little out of breath.
“Show-off,” I said, trying not to smile.
He swam over to where I sat and dipped his chin in the water, then spit a fountainlike stream up in the air. “Thought you were gonna swim.”
I leaned back on my elbows. “I am, in a little while.”
“No you’re not,” he said, inching closer.
“I am. Leave me alone about it.” I splashed him with my foot.
He shook his head with a smile. “No. You’re gonna swim right now.” I knew an instant before he did it what was about to happen, but I didn’t have any time to defend myself. He grabbed the rock and pulled himself out of the water just enough to wrap his arms around me and take me back in with him. I screamed just before we went under together and twisted around enough to get free and to the surface.
When he came up, I cut my hand into the water and splashed at him, then turned and took off as fast as I could without waiting to see if he’d chase me. I knew he would. He caught me quick, probably in two strokes, and I dug in harder to escape before he dunked me again, but it was no use. I was laughing, and he was too, and there we were, tangled up together in the water and sunshine. In a good kind of way.
22
The branches hanging above me cut the cobalt sky into puzzle pieces that shifted and changed ever so slightly in the breeze. I watched them quietly, not sure if Rusty was still even awake. After dunking each other multiple times, we’d swum and laughed and floated around before pulling ourselves slowly from the water. And now we lay stretched out on the sun-drenched rock at the edge of the creek, almost close enough to touch, but miles away from it at the same time.
I closed my eyes and listened to the occasional chirps of tiny birds hidden in the trees around us, the bubbling of water over rocks down below, cicadas rattling a chorus off in the distance. All sounds of the world carrying on like it always had. So much could change or be lost, and still, the rest of the world went on like it was nothing. It didn’t seem wrong, but it didn’t seem right either. I’d gone on today like it was nothing. I’d laughed and felt happy and forgotten for a little while that this was now a world without my brother in it.