My professional life would be devoted to curing illnesses. My private life would be the dutiful spouse and mother.
Patients and patience.
And up until two years ago, I was excited for all of it.
I had wanted all of it.
“There you are.” Ben took my hand, brushing a kiss on my cheek. “They’ve been paging you for five minutes.”
I smiled, placing a hand on his chest and leaning in. “Sorry,” I whispered, kissing him again, gently on the lips this time. “I couldn’t exactly drop the bedpan, could I?” I joked, pulling back and setting my charts down at the nurse’s station.
The corners of his bottom lip turned down at the disgusting thought. “Good point,” he acquiesced. “Besides,” I continued, “I’m a woman worth waiting for. You know that.”
He lifted his chin and hooded his blue eyes. “I’m still deciding,” he taunted.
“Ouch.” I laughed. “Maybe Jax was right after all then.”
His face fell, the humor gone. “What did that guy say about me now?” he grumbled.
I grinned, pulling my blue scrub shirt over my head, leaving me in my white tank top. “He said that you’re awesome,” I teased.
Ben cocked an eyebrow, knowing better.
Jax, my ex-boyfriend’s brother, didn’t like anyone that tried to take his brother’s place in my life. Good thing I didn’t need his approval.
I shrugged and kept going. “But he does think that I am far too much for you to handle.”
His eyes bugged out, and he smiled, challenge accepted. Sliding his hand around the back of my neck, he stepped up and crashed his lips down on mine.
The warmth of his body surrounded me, and I relaxed into the kiss, savoring the hunger I felt rolling off of him.
He wanted me.
I might not be reeling from need of him, but he made me feel in control, and I definitely liked that.
Pulling away, he smiled like he’d just proved a point.
I licked my lips, tasting his Spearmint gum. Ben always had a flavor and taste I could pin down. Mint or cinnamon on the lips, cologne on the clothes, Paul Mitchell in the hair . . . and it occurred to me that I didn’t really know what he smelled like without all of that. Cologne preferences change over time. So do shampoos and breath mints. What would he smell like on my pillow? Would it change or always be constant?
He gestured to the black container and package of wooden chopsticks on top of the counter. “I brought you dinner. It’s sushi,” he pointed out. “Salmon is supposed to be, like, some super brain food.” He waved a hand in front of us. “And you’ve been burning the midnight oil, so I thought you could use it.”
“Thank you.” I tried to act excited, knowing it was the thought that counted. I hated sushi, but he didn’t know that. “But I’m actually about to get off work. I thought I told you that.”
He narrowed his eyes, thinking, and then they went wide. “Yes, you did.” He let out a breath and shook his head. “I’m sorry. Your schedule changes so much, I forgot.”
“It’s okay.” I unwrapped my messy bun, feeling instant relief as the cursed bobby pins were removed. When I wasn’t working at the hospital—giving sponge baths and administering Band-Aids—I was at the library getting ahead on my reading list for my fall classes, or at the Loop, blowing off steam. I was a hard girl to pin down lately, but Ben rolled with it.
“I can still eat it,” I offered, not wanting to be ungracious. “And now I don’t need to worry about dinner, so you see? You really are a lifesaver.”
He grabbed hold of my waist and pulled me in, kissing my forehead and nose, always gentle.
Ben and I had been seeing each other for about six weeks, although most of that time was long-distance. During spring break, we were both home, and one day I’d lost control of my car on a rainy, slick road.
And I’d slammed right into his car. As it was parked at a curb right in front of him and all of his friends. Yeah, great moment.
But I played it off. Got out of the car barking at him about his lousy driving and that he better have good insurance or I was calling the cops.
Everyone laughed, and he asked me out.
We spent some time together, went back to school to finish the semester, and reconnected when we came home for summer break.
Since we’d gone to high school together and actually had a date senior year that ended pretty badly, it was kind of fun to catch up after so much time had passed. We got to know each other, and I enjoyed the time we spent together. It wasn’t pedal to the metal from day one. Ben was slow.
And calm.
It was always when I was ready. Not when he was ready.
And I was nowhere near ready yet, so that was a relief.
And the best part? He wasn’t intense. He didn’t get angry or rude. He didn’t have problems that would make me unhappy, and I didn’t have to worry that he would have so much of a pull on me that I would make decisions based on him.
He never pushed or challenged me, and I liked that I dominated the relationship. I never took advantage of it, but I knew I was the one in control. It was comfortable, but more than that, it was easy. I was never surprised with Ben.
He was safe.
He’d finished his bachelor’s degree in economics at UMass in May and would be going on to graduate school at Princeton in the fall. I’d be heading to Stanford for medical school, so we were looking at more time apart. I wasn’t sure if the relationship would continue, but right now, I was content to keep things light and easy.