"I'm sorry."
"Look at me," he demands, and when I do, he continues, "When we're together like this, I don't ever want you to be sorry for anything, okay?"
Nodding my head, he kisses me lightly, barely brushing my lips with his when he says one more time, "I love you, babe."
Chapter twenty-eight
Sitting at my desk, I finish emailing a paper to one of my professors when there's a soft knock on my bedroom door.
"Come in," I say as I hit send and close the lid to my laptop.
Kimber opens my door and asks, "Can I come in?"
"Umm, yeah."
She walks in and takes a seat on the end of my bed, and I turn my chair around to face her, when she says, "I need to talk to you about after graduation."
I have hardly spoken to Kimber in months, so sitting here with her in my room makes me a little nervous.
"Okay."
"Well, I didn't know what your plans were."
"My only plan is to try and find a job. I've always had my heart set on New York, but I will go wherever I get an offer from. Why?"
"I was thinking that it might not be a good idea if you lived here after we graduate."
"Oh." I feel a lump forming in my throat and I want to cry, but I don't. We used to be so close, like sisters, and now she wants me out. How could I let things get this bad between us where she doesn't want me here?
"It's hard having you around and us not talking. I just don't feel like we are even friends anymore. It's been five months, Candace."
"I don't know what to say."
"I wish you would just talk to me. But, honestly, I don't even know if it would do any good at this point. I don't want to continue walking around here with this tension every day."
"Okay," I say. I'm hurt and pissed at myself for causing this fracture between us and now I wonder if this is even fixable.
Neither one of us says anything else, and it's only when she leaves that I begin to cry. When I pick up the phone to call Jase, it starts ringing in my hand. Being upset, I answer it without looking to see who is calling.
"Hello," I choke out.
"Jesus, what's wrong?"
When I hear Ryan's voice I start babbling. "Kimber asked me to move out. She doesn't want me here. She doesn't feel like we're friends anymore. She'd rather I went somewhere else, and I don't know if I can fix this."
"Breathe, babe. I'm in my car heading to the gym. I'm right by your house. I'll be right there."
"Okay," I say before hanging up.
When Ryan arrives, we go back to my room. Sitting on the bed with his back against the headboard, he holds me in his arms as I curl up beside him, still upset.
"So, what happened?" he asks as he starts threading his fingers through my hair.
"What I told you. That's all that she said. I didn't say anything because, you know me, I just shut down."
"What the hell happened between you two anyway?"
Shit! What do I say?
Thinking quickly, I tell him the truth, but leave out what I can't have him know.
"At the beginning of the school year, I stayed with Jase at his place for a while and Kimber thought I was avoiding her for some reason. But she didn't believe me when I told her it had nothing to do with her. So we got into a fight and she called me a liar. That was it. We've literally been avoiding each other ever since, and now so much time has passed that we're barely friends anymore."
"I don't understand you chicks, but I hate to see you so upset over this."
"I just miss her. We used to be close like sisters."
"Can't you just tell her that?"
"It won't do any good," I say.
"You know you can always stay with me."
"Yeah, I know."
Ever since Ryan told me he loved me a couple weeks ago, I have been more comfortable talking to him and opening up more. But I have yet to tell him I love him. Something about being that vulnerable still daunts me. He told me he knows I love him and to not worry about the words. I know I'm getting there; it's just taking a little while.
Quickly changing the topic he says, "Come to the gym with me."
I sit up and look at him bemused. "What?"
"Yeah, come with me. We haven't been running much because of your deranged fear of breaking your legs. You can ride the bikes, or if you're feeling risky, run on the treadmill," he jokes with me.
Smacking him in the arm, I say, "Stop laughing at me. And it isn't deranged. Seriously, what if I broke my leg before this audition? It would ruin everything."
Raising his hands in defense, he says dramatically, "I know. You've been telling me this all week."
Needing to get him off my back, I say, "Fine. I'll go ride the bikes. Let me go change."
When I walk out of the bathroom, Ryan is standing there waiting for me. Bending down, he scoops me up, over his shoulder and playfully grabs my ass. I can't control my laughter as he hauls me through my house. I return the favor and grab onto his ass as he carries me out to his jeep. When he sets me down, I have to grab hold of his arms until the dizziness subsides. He opens my door and helps me up into the car before leaning in and kissing me.
When we arrive at the gym, I make my way over to the cardio machines and Ryan follows closely behind.
"What are you doing?" I say as I turn around to face him.