"You wanna be my friend?"
"Best friends."
She giggles as I open one of her books and begin to read. It isn't long until she is sound asleep with her head on my lap. Not wanting to wake her, I keep still and allow her to sleep.
Setting the books down, I finally take a moment to realize I am lying in Ryan's bed. I look around the room that he grew up in. He has a couple of surfboards leaning against one of the walls and a large flat screen mounted on the wall facing the bed. Something about being in his room makes my heart beat a little faster. I don't want to be feeling this way, but I am. The way he was with me last night makes me feel as if I want to like him more. I have never felt this way about any guy in the past, and that scares me. I only wish he knew me before this year, before I was so screwed up.
Light filters into the room when the door opens. Ryan walks in, looks at me, and laughs. "Are you stuck under Maddie?"
"I didn't want to move and wake her up. What time is it?"
"Past eleven. Everyone has gone to bed. I told Katie to go on to bed and that I would check on you and Maddie."
"I wanted to thank your mother before she went to bed."
"Don't worry about it. Here's your bag. I made a big pallet of blankets and pillows downstairs in the living room. Since Maddie is in my room, we're just going to sleep down there. We can watch a movie or something if you want." He sets my bag on the floor and walks further into the room.
"Oh...ummm..." I mutter nervously. I was supposed to sleep in this room and Ryan was going to stay on the couch.
Sensing my hesitation, he says, "Don't worry. I'll take the floor and you can have the couch."
I smile at him as he walks over and grabs some clothes from his dresser. "I'll be downstairs. You can use my bathroom to change."
"Okay," I say as I slowly slide out from underneath Madison, careful not to wake her.
I grab my bag and go into Ryan's bathroom. I quickly take my sleeping pill, brush my teeth and hair, and then change into a pair of pajama pants and a black cami.
When I walk downstairs, I see Ryan in the kitchen wearing only a pair of flannel pajama pants that are hanging low on his hips. I'm surprised when I see a half-sleeve of tattoos on his right arm that spans a few inches onto his chest.
When he spots me from across the room, he says, "Grabbing some water. Want a bottle?"
"No, thanks."
I notice all the blankets and pillows piled into a big fluffy makeshift bed in the center of the living room.
"You mind if I take the floor?" I ask.
"You sure?"
"Yeah. It looks more comfortable anyway."
"Okay."
Suddenly feeling nervous about spending the night here in the same room as Ryan, I apprehensively walk over and sit down, sliding the covers over my legs. He walks across the dark room, the only light coming from the last of the burning embers in the fireplace. I try not to stare at his bare chest that is revealing the tattoos I never knew he had. He sits down next to me and turns the TV on.
"TCM?"
I laugh at him and say, "It's all we ever watch. Why switch now?"
"I think you're starting to like my movies," he teases.
"Maybe."
We sit back and start watching a movie when Ryan turns to me and says, "Were you okay today?"
"I was. You're really lucky; you have a great family."
"Well, everyone really likes you, especially my mom."
"She's really nice. We had some time to visit earlier."
His words are sweet, but at the same time bring sadness. I only wish it was my parents who felt this way. But being here today, with his big family, has made me realize just how cold my family is. You can't even compare the two. Feeling the emotions tugging at me, I lie down and lay my head on the pillows sitting next to Ryan. He starts playing with my hair, and it's only a matter of minutes when I begin to feel the effects of my pill and drift off.
Gasping for breath, I thrash up out of a dead sleep. My breathing is loud, and I'm confused about where I am until I hear Ryan say, "Candace," as he jumps off the couch and is by my side in a second, pulling me into his arms. "You okay?"
My body is stiff, and I'm shaken, panicked by what just happened. I have no idea what I was dreaming about. I start taking deeps breaths.
"What happened, babe?"
"Bad dream," I quietly whisper through my erratic breathing. I have no idea what brought that on.
"Slow your breathing down, okay?"
I do as he says and concentrate on his heartbeat as he holds me against his chest. Wrapping my arms around him, he begins to stroke one of his hands up and down my back. Once I'm calm and my breathing has steadied, he asks, "Wanna talk about it?"
I don't speak; I just shake my head no. Truth is, I don't know what I was even dreaming about, and the last thing I want to do is try to remember it.
Ryan slides under the covers with me and lays us down, both on our sides facing each other. I look up into his eyes, and he is staring back into mine. Holding me tightly against his warm body, looking into his clear-blue eyes, my heart begins to quicken again, but in a completely different way. He brings his hand up and gently places it on the side of my cheek. My breath catches, and I am so close to him that I can hear his breaths as they begin to increase slightly. Everything about him is calling me. I'm too scared to even move, but at the same time, I want to move. He's all around me, and I still want more. Never taking his eyes off of me as we lie in the darkness, I grasp onto a thread of bravery and bring my hand up to cup his cheek as he is doing mine. Wrapped up in each other, his gaze slowly moves down to my mouth. I shouldn't be wanting to do what I know he wants to, but when his eyes flick back to mine, I keep my eyes locked on his as I nod my head, my timid way of letting him know what I want.