"Um, hey. I'm sorry, but could you give us just a minute?" Jase asks.
Mark looks at me and then back at Jase before responding. "Yeah, man. Sure, I'll just be in the other room."
Mark turns and closes the door behind him, giving Jase and me some privacy.
"Shit, I'm so sorry," I say as I rake my fingers through my hair.
"What for?"
"I don't know, for having your boyfriend see us in bed together."
"Don't worry about it. I talk about you all the time. He knows how we are; it doesn't bother him," he says, reassuring me. He shifts his body to face me and continues, "Candace, I don't know what to do here. I just got back together with Mark, and I can't lie to him."
I stare at him for a long while. We sit there, looking into each other's eyes, and we don't say a word. I can't be selfish with Jase; I love him too much, and I know how happy he is to be with Mark again. But I can't help to be terrified out of my mind. I lower my head and look down before I hesitantly nod.
Lifting my chin with his finger, he says, "Mark would never say anything. He isn't like that, Candace."
I am so scared and begin to cry at the thought of anyone else knowing. Jase wipes my tears and leans his forehead against mine.
"Don't cry," he whispers.
"I'm so embarrassed."
Pulling me into his arms, he sighs, "I know you are, sweetie, but you shouldn't be."
He continues to hold me as my crying grows stronger. I bury my head in his neck and let it pour out of me as I feel him slowly rocking me back and forth. I don't know how long I've been crying when I feel the bed dip down next to me and another hand on my back. I know that it's Mark, and now I'm even more embarrassed that I can't even look up. So I just stay there, in Jase's arms, and cry.
As the tears start to slow and my body grows tired, Jase slowly pulls away. Fixing his eyes on mine with his eyebrows knitted together, I feel the bed shift again. I turn my head to see that Mark is kneeling beside the bed in front of me. I look down at him as he stares at me with nothing but concern. I'm no longer crying, but the tears keep falling, and I don't know how to stop them.
He takes my hand before speaking. "Who did this?"
It's pretty obvious that this didn't happen by some accident by the way I was just sobbing for what felt like an hour. I can't find any words though. I no longer feel the intense anxiety; I feel defeated. So, I just continue to stare at him.
Jase clears his throat before I hear him say, "Um...Candace was attacked Monday night."
Hearing those words knocks the air out of me, and I lower my elbows to my knees and hide my face in my hands. Jase never takes his hand off of my back, but I now feel two more hands on my legs.
"What happened?" Mark asks.
I hear Jase let out a long sigh, and I start shaking my head in my hands. I know he's about to say it. I'm scared to hear the words I know are coming any second. My body turns cold, and I tense up as I try desperately to hold onto the sob that is threatening to escape my chest.
Jase slides his hand up my back to my shoulder and squeezes tightly.
"She was raped."
I feel Mark's forehead fall to my knees, and the pain I was trying so hard to contain suddenly rips out of me, and I can do nothing but sob. My body begins to jerk when it becomes difficult to breathe.
The three of us sit there and cling to each other. How the hell did this become my life? I am not a weak person. I am strong and hold my emotions tight. I hardly recognize the weakness that is pouring out of me. Defeat. I am so tired and worn out. Exhausted.
I wipe my eyes with the backs of my hands as I take in a slow shaky breath and let it out slowly. Looking up, I see Marks eyes staring into mine.
"I won't say anything, if you were worried about that."
I nod my head. "I'm so tired," I say, not knowing what else to say really.
"I told her she could stay here for a few days," Jase tells Mark. "She doesn't want anyone to know, and if Kimber saw her face, she would question her."
"I think that's a good idea," Mark responds, then looks at me and says, "I know we don't know each other that well, but I am here if you ever need me. I feel like I know you well by how much Jase speaks of you. The both of us are always here for you."
I nod my head and say, "Thanks."
We sit in the living room and eat a late lunch. After my embarrassing breakdown, Mark offered to go and pick up some Chinese food. While he was gone, I took another quick shower. I have been taking a lot of those in the past few days. There's something about the hot water against my skin. It makes me feel clean, but only for a short while.
"I've gotta get out of this apartment," I say as I pick up an egg roll and take a huge bite. With my emotions running on high and the lack of sleep, my hunger finally caught up with me.
"Okay. What did you have in mind?" Jase asks.
"I don't know. Some place quiet."
"Why don't we go to my house? Change of scenery," Mark says while twirling a fork full of lo-mein.
I look at Mark and say, "Perfect."
We sit there quietly and continue to eat our greasy food when I hear my phone ring. I walk over to the bar and see that it's Kimber calling. Suddenly nervous, I let it continue to ring until it goes to voicemail.
"Who's that?" Jase asks.
I turn around to look at him and answer, "Kimber." Before I can set the phone down, it chimes with a text from her.