"I love you, too."
"Make love to me, babe."
I know what his words mean. I've always let him be in control, not feeling confident enough in myself. But I love this man, and I want to give him what he wants, which is to give myself to him in a way I haven't yet.
Wrapping my arms around his neck, I nod as he pulls us up to our knees. I kiss him and caress his tongue with mine. Sliding his hands up my back, he catches the zipper and slowly pulls it down, loosening the lace on my body. One by one, I unbutton his shirt, and when I hit the last one, I run my hands up his cut stomach, over his chest, around his shoulders, and down his arms, sliding the shirt off. He covers my mouth with his, and when he does, I let the lace fall off of my shoulders. I sling my arms back around him and he lays me down, slipping my dress the rest of the way off.
His lips and tongue slowly drag against my heated skin as he makes his way up my legs, dropping kisses here and there along the way. He grabs onto my panties and starts pulling them down, taking his time as I lift my knees to help him. Leaning back over me, he runs his hands over my knees, up my inner thighs, and my breath hitches when he pushes his palm over my sex and up my stomach. I catch his hips with my legs, wrapping them around his waist, pulling him firmly against me.
He takes one of my legs and pulls it down from his hip as he unhooks his pants. When they land on the floor with the rest of our clothes, he leans over to the nightstand and puts on protection.
He reaches behind my back and pulls me up, sitting back on the bed as I'm straddling his lap. When he unhooks my bra, the last piece of clothing between us, I lift up on my knees, wrap my arms around him, and gently slide myself on top of him. I feel my body instinctively tighten around him when he enters me, and I have to drop my head in the crook of his neck with the profound pleasure that is coursing through my body.
His breaths are heavy, and when I lift my head and look into his blue eyes, I slowly begin to move. Giving myself to him as never before, I lace my fingers through his hair and fist it in my hands. I can't help the moan that escapes me, and I don't even try to hide the waves of pleasure I feel from being with him like this.
"God, I love you," he says through his panted breaths, and when my hips rock into him, his head drops to my chest.
Grazing his hands along my sides, he begins kissing my br**sts, and I start to feel the intensity building. Our moans become louder as they fill the room. When he grips me tighter in his hold, I rock into him again, clinging to him when he says, "Look at me, baby. I want to watch you come."
Leaning my forehead against his, our eyes lock onto one another. My body begins to shudder and clench around him, and when I hear Ryan moan my name, I know he's right there with me. Never taking our eyes off of each other, we ride out our pleasure until we have nothing left.
He's hot to my touch, and I can feel the sweat beading down my back when he slowly begins to kiss me. Laying us down, I brush a few locks of his hair from his damp forehead.
"'I love you' will never be strong enough for what I feel for you."
Pulling the covers over us, he wraps me in his arms, still inside me, and I know I'll only ever have this with him—I'll only ever want this with him.
Chapter thirty-four
"I can't find shit in here," Ryan says from deep within my closet.
He offered to help me pack since I didn't get much sleep last night. I was so wrapped up in the moment that I forgot to take my sleeping pill, and I kept waking up all throughout the night. I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever be able to sleep without them. My dreams weren't terribly vivid, but when my mind would begin to drift, Jack would find me.
Ryan suggested that I should talk to someone about what happened, but I quickly shut him down, same as I did with Jase when he brought it up months ago. Sitting around and hashing out what happened when all I am trying to do is move on doesn't sound like it would be beneficial at all.
"Just grab a few pairs of jeans."
"Which ones? You have like fifty pairs in here."
Laughing at his dramatics, I say, "It doesn't matter."
He walks out of my closet and puts them in my suitcase while I am going through my dresser.
"Could you grab everything that is sitting on my bathroom counter?"
"Yeah."
When I dig back in my top drawer to find my wool socks, I come across something I haven't seen in seven months. Pulling it out, I look at it, and I'm immediately taken back to that sterile hospital room. Jase was with me, never letting go of my hand, while the nurse scraped Jack's bloody flesh from under my nails. I can still feel the stinging of my eyes as my salty tears flowed effortlessly.
I stash Detective Patterson's business card back in the drawer and close it when I hear Ryan walk out of the bathroom.
"Is this everything?" he asks.
"Umm...yeah," I say as I continue to stand at my dresser, but when my voice comes out shaky, Ryan doesn't miss it.
"Babe," he says, and he walks over to me. Placing his hands on my arms, he continues, "I'm sorry about last night. I should have made sure you took your pill."
I don't correct him when he assumes my mood shift is due to my lack of sleep.
"No, it's not your fault. It's fine."
Kissing my forehead, we move around my room and finish packing my bags. I put in my dance DVDs that I picked up from the studio the other day.
"Okay, I think that's everything." I zip everything shut and Ryan grabs both bags off of my bed, and I lock up as we head out.