Heading over to your place.
Okay. Just let yourself in.
I walk through the parking garage to my spot and click the locks open. Mark wound up staying over for most of the morning. I feel good about where we stand at this point. Allowing myself to open up to him and lay it all out there for him to know, freed some of the fear inside of me.
When I pull up to Candace’s house, only her white Acura is here. I go ahead and let myself in. Kimber isn’t home, so I go straight to Candace’s room. She’s sitting at her desk doing something on her laptop as I walk in.
“Hey, sweetie.”
“Hey,” she says as she closes the lid, and I lie down on her bed as she gets up from her chair and walks over to lie next to me. I was worried that Mark would have an issue with Candace. I think he will have a better understanding of us when he meets her. She lays her head on the pillow next to me, and I shift to face her.
“I need to talk to you about something,” I say, still a little nervous. Not nervous about her reaction—it’s me. It’s taking another step towards cementing the fact that this is truly me.
Turning towards me, she says, “Okay, talk.”
“I haven’t been completely open with you about some stuff that’s been going on, and I need to talk to you about it and tell you everything.”
She pinches her brows together and says, “Okay,” slowly with worry.
“I should have told to you about this from the start, but I was embarrassed.”
“Jase, you can tell me anything,” she assures me.
“I know, and that’s why I feel so awful,” I say and then I just let everything out. “I ran into Mark last night when I left the club. He was the reason I went home and came out to my parents. I really like him. I mean . . . I like him more than I have ever liked anyone. You know how I am with guys, but with him, it’s different, and it started stirring up a lot of stuff I thought I had gotten past.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I told you what it was like for me in high school. Well, I thought I was over that. When I met Mark and started spending time with him, I had feelings for him in a way I hadn’t ever felt towards another guy. It made me scared. When he told me that he wasn’t interested in anything casual, I freaked out.”
She interrupts me and says, “Like, the idea of having a real relationship with a guy would solidify that you’re g*y?”
God, she completely gets it. “Yeah,” I say, and then tell her, “So I went to his house when his roommate was there, knowing that Mark would be home soon, and made out with him just so that Mark could catch us. I felt like shit, but I was too much of a coward to just be honest with him. I still feel like shit.”
She shifts herself closer to me and drapes her arm around my waist. “That’s awful. What did he say?”
“Nothing really. I knew I’d hurt him. I was such a shit; I didn’t even say anything to him. I just grabbed my keys and walked out.”
“So you went home to tell your parents because you thought that it would be easier for you to accept you were g*y if you came out?”
“Do you know how much I love you?” She smiles up at me as I brush her hair back. “I knew you would understand. I shouldn’t have kept this from you.”
“It’s okay. I understand why you did. But I hate that you were going through this and I wasn’t there for you.”
“I’m sorry.”
“So, you talked to him last night? What did you say?”
“I was just honest. I apologized and explained everything. I even told him about my parents.”
“How did it go?”
“He told me that, despite what I did, he still has feelings for me, and I told him that I do too. So he asked if we could just start over. He came over for coffee this morning and we talked more about my family and stuff.”
She pulls back to look me in the eyes. “So, you two are seeing each other? I mean . . . exclusively?”
“Yeah.”
“How are you feeling about it now?”
“Nervous,” I admit. “Mostly because I have never done this, but I love the way he makes me feel when we’re together.”
She tilts her head up, pecks me on the lips, and then gives me her beautiful smile. “I’m really happy for you, you know? I hope he can see how special you are.”
I kiss the top of her head and tuck her under my chin. I don’t know what I ever did to deserve such an amazing friend. I love how she just gets me. She doesn’t even have to try. Telling her about Mark feels so good. Hell, everything about today feels good. I just hope he will be patient enough with me so that I can figure this all out and get to a place where I can be free of the shame.
Chapter nine
After my talk with Candace yesterday, I totally forgot to ask her what her plans were this weekend and if she’d be up to meeting Mark. I’ve been calling and texting her for the past couple of hours, but I can’t get ahold of her.
I spot her car when I pull in front of Common Grounds, the coffee shop that she works at. When I walk inside, I spot Roxy, her boss, behind the counter.
“Hey, Jase.”
“Roxy, how’ve you been?” I ask and lean over the counter to give her a hug.
“Good. You looking for Candace?”
“Yeah. Is she busy?”
“She’s in the back; it’s been pretty slow,” she says before yelling over her shoulder, “Candace!”