I hold her, but all I can see is her covered in blood and dirt, lying naked on the ground. My heart rate picks up as the guilt returns. I could have done so many things differently that night. If I would have just gone out there sooner . . .
I focus back on Candace when she lifts her head. Keeping my focus on her before I get too consumed, I ask, “You okay?”
She nods, placing her head back on my chest, saying, “I hate seeing that dumpster.” I hold her closer when she says this because I hate it too. I hate everything about that goddamn night. “It’s weird because I also love it in a messed up way. It’s all I had to focus on.”
“I’m so sorry.” I think about what must have been going through her head, the sheer terror she must have felt, and my stomach begins to knot up.
“When I dream about that night, it’s always taken away from me. There’s nothing to distract me.”
“I wish I knew his name.” I would find him and destroy him if given the chance. I would kill him for everything he took away from her.
She looks up at me and cups my clenched jaw, lifting onto her toes, and planting a kiss on my lips. I pull her into me and take a deep breath, letting it out slowly. Being here with her, I’m starting to feel like I’m lying, and the guilt is eating at me the longer we are here. I never thought that deciding not to tell her about who I am would make me feel like it is right now. Deceitful.
I’m trying to keep the memories out of my head, but I can’t help the constant flashes I’m getting each time I close my eyes. I’m not sure I’ll ever stop hearing her pleading screams from that night. It’s a part of her that I’ll always have to bear, but it’ll never even come close to all that she has had to endure.
I shift my thoughts because this is huge for her, and I need her to know that. I tell her how proud I am that she came up here with me, but I can tell she wants to leave, and honestly, so do I.
Chapter Thirty-three
I call Max as I drive to see if he can meet me at the bar after my workout. I’ve been giving a lot of thought to getting things settled at work since I fired Michael a couple weeks ago, and the one person who knows that place inside and out, the one person I trust completely, is Max. It only makes sense to me that he would be someone that I could have complete confidence in, and knowing that he has a baby on the way, he’d be an idiot to not take the opportunity I’m about to offer him.
After a couple hours of lifting and running, I head up to Blur to meet with Max. He’s sitting at the bar, chatting with Mel when I walk in.
“Hey, man. Let’s go to my office,” I say, and he follows me up the stairs.
“So, what’s on your mind?” he asks as we sit down.
“I’m gonna be honest with you here,” I start. “Candace is graduating in a couple of months, and I doubt that she’s gonna be staying here in Seattle.”
“You think you’ll go with her?” he asks.
“I can’t let her go without me, but I can’t let this place fold either,” I tell him. “I know you have a lot going on with Traci, but . . .”
“Look, you know I’ll help out in any way I can.”
“I was hoping you could help run this place,” I say. “You know everything about the job, and you’ve always been loyal to me. Shit’s been crazy since I let Michael go, but I’d like to bring you on as his permanent replacement, which means a sizable salary increase.”
“Are you serious?” he says as he leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees.
“Completely. It’s yours.”
He stands up and I follow as he walks towards me and claps his hand in mine for a solid shake as he grips my shoulder with his other hand.
“So, you’re in?” I ask.
“I’m in, boss.”
“Great,” I sigh in relief as I sit back down. “You know the drill, man, so let’s get this going in the next couple days if you can manage on short notice?”
“Yeah. No problem. You still going out of town this weekend?”
“Yep. I’m not sure how long I’ll be gone. A week, give or take a few days. It’s Candace’s last break before graduation, and I know she wants to spend time with my mom.”
“You need an extra guy for the door?” he asks.
“I don’t think so. Chase has been doing a good job at keeping everything under control in that department. Plus people are used to seeing you down there, so I think if you can keep that gig going when you have extra time, that would be great.”
We finish up, filling out a few forms and going over some stuff I need him to take care of while I’m in Oregon next week. Having this situation settled takes a lot of stress off my shoulders, and even though Candace has yet to bring up school coming to an end, she has nothing to worry about.
When I’m all done, I head back to the loft, but Candace’s car is still gone as I pull into the driveway. I grab a quick shower and get cleaned up. When she gets home a little while later we spend the afternoon listening to a few demos from local bands. Mark is graduating with most of the guys in the band, so I need to go ahead and find alternatives for when their gig is up with me in June.
I watch Candace in the kitchen, and when she walks back into the room, I tell her, “Something’s been bothering me today.” As she moves past me, I grab her and pull her onto my lap. “I’ve never seen you dance.”