Wanting to keep Candace around for most of the day, I took her to the aquarium. I knew we could easily burn a few hours there, and I was right. She seemed relaxed and had fun, but now I’m sensing tension from her. We just left her house after grabbing a few groceries from the store. I could tell she was uncomfortable with me being there.
As I’m driving her back to her car that’s still at the restaurant, she watches the rain out the window and quietly says, “Thanks.”
“For what?”
“Today. I had fun hanging out,” she responds as she looks over at me.
“You should say yes when I ask you to go running with me tomorrow morning.”
“Is that you asking me or telling me?”
When I look over at her and give her a smirk, she starts to giggle as she says, “Okay then.”
Satisfied with her answer, I repeat her words, “Okay then.”
Feeling a little more comfortable talking with her after spending the day together, I decide to ask her about what happened with her parents. So when I turn into the parking lot, I put the jeep in park and sit for a moment. The rain is coming down hard, beating against the steel. Turning to face her, she looks at me when I say, “I didn’t want to say anything earlier, but I can’t help but wonder about what made you come home yesterday.”
She shifts to face me and lets out a sigh, leaning her head against the headrest. “I got into a fight with my parents. Some pretty nasty things were said, so I just left.”
“You guys fight a lot?”
“My whole life,” she tells me. “My mother is a difficult woman to be around. She doesn’t approve of the way I want to live.”
“What do you mean?” I can’t imagine what this girl could possibly be doing wrong to earn her parents’ disapproval.
“My parents are more concerned about their social standing than my happiness. So, having a daughter who wants to be a dancer and isn’t engaged to be married is not a good look for them.”
“That’s pretty shitty.”
“I’m used to it,” she mumbles, and I hate the fact that this has been going on so long that she expects it.
“No one should be used to that,” I tell her softly. “They should be proud of you. I’ve only just met you, but you’re pretty great from what I know so far.”
She fidgets with her hands, seeming uncomfortable with my words, but I needed to say them.
She keeps her focus on her hands when she speaks again. “I had always hoped that somewhere beneath their hard exterior that they would be proud of me, but after last night, I now know that they aren’t.” When she looks back up at me, she looks abashed as she tells me, “My mother actually said she was embarrassed by me.”
Jase was right; her parents are pieces of shit. I can’t even help myself when I lean into her, and slide my hand over hers. I want to do so much more, but I leave it at this. She stares at our hands, and I can sense her tensing up at the contact.
She sits up and pulls her hand out from under mine—flustered—she grabs for the door handle, but it’s locked. I hit the switch when I see her panic.
“Thanks,” she whispers before abruptly getting out of my car.
I watch her and wonder what’s causing her to flip moods in a mere instant. Fumbling with her keys, she finally gets in the car and starts it up. She quickly glances over at me, embarrassed, and I hate that. All I can manage to make sense of is that her parents have f**ked with her head so much that she’s become removed from feeling emotions. I get it. That’s been me my whole life, but now, with her, I find myself wanting to feel instead of running away from it.
I was nervous about meeting up with Candace this morning to go running. I was a little unsure of how she would react to me after what happened yesterday in my car, but she didn’t seemed fazed by it, so I moved past it, and we spent a good hour running around campus and her neighborhood. She kept up with my pace, and I really enjoyed working out with her. I don’t even think she noticed how distracted I was though, trying to sneak a peek at her whenever I could. She’s small but there’s no doubt that this chick is in extreme shape. Her legs are insane, and in her tight running pants, I couldn’t keep my eyes off of her.
And now, sitting up here in my office, I can’t keep my mind off of her. I start packing my things up to head out early. It’s Saturday night, but being the holiday weekend, the place is dead.
“Hey, man,” Gavin says when he bursts into my office. “You leaving?”
“Yep.”
“We going out?”
Standing up, I start heading out when I tell him, “No. I’m gonna go home and just chill.”
“Are you serious? Dude, you avoiding me?” he asks as I make my way downstairs.
“No. I just have other shit going on, that’s all,” I explain. He wouldn’t get it if I told him, so I don’t.
He continues to follow me to the back door, but before I can open it, he steps in front of me and snaps, “Seriously. What the f**k is going on?”
“Nothing, man. Don’t take it personally.”
“Kinda hard when I’m the one you’re avoiding,” he says.
Taking a moment, I explain without telling him too much. “Gav, I’m almost thirty. I’m sick of going out all the time to just f**k random chicks. I’m tired.”
He doesn’t say anything. He’s the same age as me, and I know he’s perfectly happy doing the shit that he does, but it doesn’t make me happy anymore. It never did make me happy; it only made me numb. Stepping to the side, he walks away, throwing a, “See ya,” over his shoulder before I walk out to the parking lot.