The skies are dark and a heavy mist fills the air as we head down the beach and find a spot to sit. Settling between his legs, I lean back into his arms. “Talk to me,” I request.
“About what?”
“Anything,” I say, simply wanting to hear his voice.
He tightens his arms around me, and tells me, “I don’t want you to worry about anything. Thinking that marrying me is going to change us.”
I smile at his words because somehow he just knew what I needed to hear. “I’m glad you said that.”
He shifts me to face him and says, “I love us just the way we are. I want to marry you because I want forever with you. I want it all, and I know you’re the only one who can give it to me.”
“I don’t know what to say,” I tell him.
“You don’t have to say anything.”
Running my hand along his cheek, I give him the only words I can find, “My only wish is that I can give you everything you’ve given me.”
“You already have, babe. You’re enough.”
I cuddle into his chest as we sit in the cold, in no rush to get back to the house. I need the quiet with him. I always will because I’ve come to depend on the closeness.
Ryan is spending the afternoon with his mom and Mark, letting me have the next couple of hours alone with Jase before we head to the beach. I sit in Ryan’s room while Jase changes in the bathroom. My dress hangs in front of the window, and I sit on the bed, staring at it, thoughts filling my head, wondering how I wound up here when it wasn’t that long ago that I was wishing I had died by that dumpster.
And then there was Ryan. The stranger that sat with me while I lay there naked and unconscious on the ground. The stranger who is now about to become my husband.
Ryan is an amazing man. More than I ever thought I deserved. He’s always loved me, and no matter what we have dealt with, he’s never wavered. He’s always held my heart above his. Always giving me a safe place to fall. From the start he saw through my walls, to the darkest part of me, and found my light.
“What are you thinking about?” Jase says as he walks into the room.
“How I got here.”
He sits next to me on the bed and holds my hand. “Remember that morning when Mark and I were talking to you about Ryan? I was being way too protective, worrying that you two might be interested in each other.”
Looking at him, I nod my head, recalling that morning. The morning after Ryan returned my leopard scarf I had left at The xx concert.
“And you remember when you told me that you thought you wouldn’t ever be able to fall in love, and I told you that one day you’ll get everything you deserve?”
“Yeah.”
“This is that day for you.”
His words make me cry. We’ve been through so much together. Jase has always been my heart. We’ve depended on each other for almost five years now. From the moment I met him, I loved him. I couldn’t imagine my life without him. Ryan has never questioned our relationship, and neither has Mark. It was always Jase and I—for years—before Mark and Ryan walked in. They blended seamlessly with us, and Jase and I have found a way to open ourselves up to our boyfriends.
“I love you,” I tell him.
“I know you do. And I love you.”
Feeling extremely overwhelmed by today, Jase sits with me while I let the tears stream down my face. But it’s when I see his own tears slip out that I turn to face him as he says, “Tell me that this won’t change. You and me.”
“Nothing will ever change you and me.”
“I know that you’re Ryan’s, but you are always going to be my girl.” He wipes my tears with his thumbs, but they’re falling too fast for him to catch.
“You’re my heart. You always have been. But now, Ryan holds that heart,” I tell him. “My love for you will always be there. I couldn’t imagine my life without you.”
Jase holds me as we share this moment with each other. He was the first person I ever trusted. The first one I ever shared my heart with. Never once has anything come between us. He’s my constant—I’ve never had to hide from him. But it’s because of him that I was able to fall in love with Ryan, and for that, I love him even more. Jase always believed that I would find love, that I would find happiness when I thought my life had been too far destroyed for any hope of that happening. He believed it, and he pushed me when I was scared to open my heart to Ryan.
The tears finally subside, and I freshen up before Jase helps me get dressed. When he’s done tying my sash, I turn to face him as he looks me over. He smiles, and when his eyes meet mine, he says, “You look amazing, sweetheart.”
“Thank you . . . for everything you’ve ever been for me.”
“It’s just the beginning,” he says as he takes my hand. “You ready?”
“Just one more thing.” I walk over to the dresser and pick up the necklace that Ryan gave me. “Can you clasp this for me?”
I know it doesn’t go with the dress, but I wear it every day, and today is no different. So when Jase puts it on me, I know I’m ready.
“Let’s go,” I say.
Jase helps me into his car and drives to Ecola Park, through the winding streets until we get to Indian Beach. He parks the car, overlooking the beach down below where I see the pastor, Donna, Mark, Tori, and Ryan. I smile when I see him down there, wearing black slacks and a dark charcoal button-up shirt.