“Hey, Mom.”
“That was quick,” she says as she closes the book and sets it on her lap while Candace and I take a seat on the couch.
“I think we need to talk,” I tell her and then look at Candace who’s holding my hand with both of hers, keeping her eyes fixed on them.
“Has Ryan told you about his father?”
Candace looks up to my mom, answering, “Yes.”
“So, I’m sure he also added me to that equation as well.”
When she nods her head in response, my mom begins talking and opening up to her about things she hasn’t even talked to me about.
“Richard was a horrible man who would beat me on a nearly daily basis. I have scars to remind me of it every day. When he drank, the fights would get even more violent. At one point, I had become pregnant, but I never told him. I was too scared,” she tells Candace, and I stare at my mom in horror because I never knew this. “I saw what he was doing to Ryan, but at the time I was so terrified of the man, that I never defied him because I feared what he would do to me. But he eventually found out about the pregnancy. He was furious, dragging me by the hair all the way up the stairs and then kicking me in the stomach over and over.”
She stops talking to catch her breath as she begins to cry, but I can’t move because I’m in shock. It isn’t until I hear Candace let out a shaky whimper that I turn and see her tears as well.
“After he was done with me,” she continues, “I couldn’t move because the pain was just so excruciating. And then he threw me down the stairs. I knew I couldn’t go to the hospital. He never would have let me get away with it. It took almost four days for me to miscarry my baby.”
Candace’s grip on me is tight as I watch my mom wiping the tears from her face. I never knew that had happened to her. The secrets that these women keep are horrific, and I’m at a loss for words.
My mother keeps her eyes on Candace when she says, “We both have secrets, dear. And that’s the secret I have always held on to . . . until now.”
When Candace’s cries start to break through, I wrap my arm around her as her tears roll down her face.
“Ryan told me that you were embarrassed, but you have nothing to be embarrassed about around me. I have your darkest secret, and now you have mine.”
She stands and walks over to sit next to Candace, and I let go of her as she turns to my mom and hugs her.
“You are an amazingly strong woman,” my mom says to her as she pulls back to look at Candace. “Watching you get through this year with everything you had to go through with the attack, your parents, and with Ryan . . . I don’t know if I’d be able to come out of that with the poise you have. It’s been eighteen years since I lost my baby, and it wasn’t until just now that I was able to finally say it out loud. I’ve held on to it for all these years, and then I look at you . . .”
She takes a moment as she begins to cry again, before adding, “You are everything I wish I could have been. I see you with my son, and how you’ve opened your heart to him even after what happened to you. I’ve never been able to do that since Richard died almost eleven years ago.”
Candace doesn’t even need to speak, and I love my mom for what she just gave my girl. Gave it in a way that Candace didn’t even have to talk because I know she was so nervous about what she would say. The two of them cry together, and at this point, I give Candace the space I feel she needs to spend time with my mom and talk without having me around. I kiss the back of her head before I leave the room and go outside to the beach to digest everything I just heard.
When Jase and Mark arrived later that day, we spent the evening grilling steaks out back and hanging out on the beach. Candace told me, that after I left, she and my mom were able to talk for a while. And seeing them now, in the kitchen, cooking breakfast, they seem closer than ever.
“Hey, Mom, where are your binoculars?” I ask after we eat.
“They’re outside on the table,” she says when I grab Candace’s hand to take her out to the beach.
“Where are we going?” she questions.
“I wanna show you something,” I tell her as we walk outside.
Picking up the binoculars, I walk her down towards the water, and when I look through the lenses, I spot what I want to show her. I hand them over and instruct, “Here. Look over there to that sea stack. I want you to look carefully for anything bright orange.”
“Okay,” she draws out slowly as she holds the binoculars up to her eyes. “There, I see . . . oh my God!” she squeaks out, and it’s cute as hell, bringing a huge smile to my face. “Look! There’s so many of them. What are they?”
Wrapping my arms around her from behind, I rest my chin on top of her head, telling her, “Puffins.” She keeps looking at them as I say, “Every year around this time they nest over there on Haystack Rock. That’s why we can’t shoot off fireworks because they come here to mate, and it would scare them away. This is the only place on the coast where it’s not legal.”
“They are so cute.”
I lean down and press my lips into her soft neck, taking kisses when she drops the binoculars and turns in my arms to face me. The wind kicks through her hair as the sun casts a glow on her face.
“Are you happy?” I ask. Her smile tells me she is, but I want to hear it.
“I never thought I could be this happy.”
She runs her hands behind my neck and brings me into her, kissing me intently, but the moment is short-lived when we hear Mark say, “Break it up, kids.”