I feel like a steaming pile of shit. “If it really means that much to you, I can—”
“Go, dude. Get out of here,” Trick says with a smile as he claps me on the shoulder. “Go do what you need to do.”
I know by his expression and the look in his eye what he means by me doing what I need to do. He may not understand it completely (hell, I don’t even understand it completely), but he knows me well enough to know I need to get out of here. And he doesn’t ask questions, which I’m grateful for.
This whole day has me feeling flustered. Jenna’s confession last night caught me off guard, although I guess I suspected that she loves me. The fact is, however, that it doesn’t change anything. I know the type of person Jenna is. I’ve seen it before. With my father. Already, she’s trying to hide her plans to leave. She couldn’t even really meet my eyes in the church. You can love somebody and still end up leaving them. Some people are just made that way—to always want greener pastures. I’ve seen it before. And I’m not getting attached to a person like that again. I guess today just reminded me of that. And it feels pretty shitty.
I pull Trick in for a quick hug and a manly slap on the back. “Be happy, man. And enjoy the hell out of that honeymoon.”
Trick laughs. “Oh, I will, but I’m not waiting for Tahiti to get this damn dry spell behind me. I plan to get Cami out of that dress myself here in about an hour.”
I laugh, too, leaning back to pound my fist against Trick’s. “Get it done, my friend!”
Trick nods and turns toward the reception hall, so I slip off, over the hill, through the trees and down to the parking lot behind the church to get my car. I need some speed and the freedom of the road to clear my head.
I feel antsy as I slide in behind the wheel. I loosen my bow tie as I crank the engine. Within seconds, I hit the gas and steer the car back toward town, and then on toward interstate. I want a long, straight stretch of road that I can open it up on.
When I clear the entrance ramp and see that there are no cars in front of me, or even really off in the distance, I punch it, milking every last one of the four hundred plus horsepower that I can get with the modifications I made to my GTO.
I exhale as the landscape speeds by and the engine roars around me, quieting all the shit from my past that’s mixing with the shit from my present to cloud my head. I don’t want to think about then. I don’t want to think about now. And I sure as hell don’t want to think about the future. I just want to feel the road. And the speed. And the fine-tuned handling of the car I practically built from the ground up.
I’m so lost in the moment that I don’t see the fine spray of gravel on the road up ahead. Until it’s too late.
And I’m spinning out of control.
********
I wake to the sound of a stranger’s voice. “Can you hear me, sir? Sir? Can you hear me?” he repeats.
I feel like I’m hanging upside down, and when I try to open my eyes, they won’t cooperate. I try to move, to right myself, but someone or something is holding my arm. I try to jerk free, but pain shoots through my whole right side. I hear a deep scream.
And then there’s nothing.
********
Something’s covering my face. I try to raise my hand to knock it off, but my limbs feel too heavy to move. I feel pressure on my right arm, like something is squeezing it tight.
My head feels like lead. Thick, numb lead. Again, I try to open my eyes. This time they obey, and I crack them just enough that I can see bright lights overhead, but none that look familiar. It seems like I’m moving, too.
“Sir, can you hear me? Can you tell me your name?” The voice sounds the same, like the same guy I heard before. I want to tell that bastard that if he doesn’t stop asking me the same questions, I’m gonna kick his ass, but no words come out. I hear only someone moaning.
And then there’s nothing again.
********
There’s a weird beeping sound. And I smell some kind of harsh chemical, like antiseptic or something. When I try to turn my face away, pain sears my brain like a branding iron.
What the hell?
The beeping speeds up and I try to open my eyes to see what’s making that God-awful noise. I see a flash of hospital green, then bright lights again.
I hear a woman’s voice. “Take deep breaths, Mr. Catron. Slow, deep breaths. You’re gonna be just fine.” She sounds reasonable enough. “Count to ten for me,” she says.
I don’t hear my voice, but in my head I count.
One. Two. Three.
And then there’s nothing.
Again.
********
“Mr. Catron? You’re all done. Can you open your eyes?” I recognize her voice, even though it sounds like it’s coming to me through a tunnel a mile long. My head feels a little fuzzy, but it doesn’t hurt as bad as it did.
“Yes,” I manage to answer. My tongue feels like it’s covered in cotton and my throat has never been rawer. “Drink,” I croak.
“Can you open your eyes and look at me?”
I’m a little annoyed at her request, but I comply. With what seems like an inordinate amount of effort, I crank my lids up and try to focus on the face hovering above me. I blink twice and things seem to work a little better.
“Very good. Now I’m going to slip a piece of ice into your mouth, okay? Don’t swallow. Just let it melt on your tongue.”
God, ice sounds wonderful! I open my mouth a little and feel like sighing when the tiny, cold sliver hits my tongue.
I close my eyes for a second, enjoying the liquid before I open them again, focusing more easily on the woman.
She’s young and very attractive. Her hair is dark red and pulled back into a pony tail. Her face is pretty and scrubbed free of makeup. She’s wearing nursing scrubs. I recognize them because I saw my mother in them nearly every day for the last fifteen years. After Dad left, she put herself through nursing school. She worked the night shift for years while she went on for her master’s degree. She doesn’t wear scrubs anymore, but she still works at the hospital.
“You’re a nurse,” I say, stating the obvious. I don’t even know why I make the comment.
“Yes, I am. Do you know where you are?”
“I assume at the hospital.”
“Yes. You’re just coming out of surgery. Do you remember what happened?”