“How has all this affected your relationships as an adult?”
Samantha shrugs again, not in flippancy, but in consternation. “I don’t know. I may have a few trust issues, but not as many as you’d think coming from a childhood like that. The Johnsons helped me with that. And Chris.”
“And what about your other relationships? Intimate ones?”
“I suppose I’ve never been able to truly let go of what I saw and what happened. Even though I know in my head that fear and pain don’t have to accompany pleasure with sex, there’s something inside me that just can’t…move on. It’s not nearly as much of a problem for me as it is for the men I’ve dated, though.”
She keeps her eyes tightly focused on her feet as she walks. She’s embarrassed.
“Why is that?”
“I can only fake something I don’t feel for so long. Once a relationship turns sexual and the guy realizes he’s not doing it for me, he takes it personally, like a knock against his manhood.”
“And that threatens their masculinity, so they blame you. Is that about it?”
“Yeah, pretty much. I’ve been called frigid and broken and cold, all sorts of things. They can be very mean and hurtful. Ugly.”
“And do you see yourself as any of those?”
“I don’t know what I am.”
I grab Samantha’s hand, pulling her to a stop. I turn her toward me. “You aren’t broken. And I’m gonna prove it to you.”
“How?” Although her question is skeptical, I can see the hope in her eyes. And I know why she was so upset with me that night at the club. She really wants me to fix her.
“You don’t need to know the details. You just need to trust me. Trust that I will give you pleasure and never pain. Let’s start with that, okay?”
She attempts a tiny smile with her nod. “Okay.”
“For the rest of the weekend, keep an open mind. Do as I ask without fear that I will do anything to scare you or to remind you of what you saw in your childhood. Trust that every time I touch you, I will bring you that much closer to experiencing pleasure in ways that you’re truly comfortable with.”
She glances away and I see her pull her lip between her teeth to gnaw it anxiously. “What about you? How…I mean, won’t you…”
“Don’t you worry about me. This will be good for me, too.”
I say that, hoping I sound convincing, hoping she never finds out that I’m turned on by what she’s most afraid of.
Samantha isn’t the only broken one.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE - Samantha
I wake to an empty bed. To Alec’s empty bed. The sheets on the other side are smooth and untouched. I don’t know where he slept last night, but it wasn’t with me.
I’m more than a little disappointed. So much weight was lifted from me after our talk that I fell asleep on the couch downstairs in front of the fireplace before Alec could even return with the drinks he was pouring us. I remember him carrying me up the stairs and I remember him pulling the covers up over me, but that’s it. I slept more soundly than I have in months. Maybe longer.
But where is he? Where did he spend the night?
I slide out of bed and walk to the windows that look out over the ocean. It’s a beautiful day and, by the looks of the position of the sun, it’s not exactly early any more.
I turn and head for the bathroom. As I pass the sink on the way to the toilet, I see the note stuck to the mirror.
Make yourself at home. There’s bagels and coffee in the kitchen. You’ve got the place to yourself until lunch. I’ll be back by then. Enjoy the sun.
—A
While it would’ve been nice to wake up next to Alec, having some time to relax and collect myself is probably a really good idea. This is a lot to wrap my head around. I’ve never been in a relationship like this before. Nowhere near it, in fact.
I walk down to the kitchen and grab half a bagel, slather it with cream cheese and pour a cup of coffee from the already-brewed pot. I wander the house as I nibble, admiring the flawlessly-positioned artwork, the immaculate décor and the breathtaking views from nearly every window.
Within thirty minutes, after roaming the entire empty house, I’m back upstairs. I stare out at the secluded balcony off the master as I sip a glass of lemonade, listening to the silent call of the padded chaise lounge and the ocean just beyond it.
I glance at the clock. It’s only a few minutes after ten. It’s warm enough to get some sun and it’s early enough that I’ll still have time to shower and be ready for Alec by noon.
But I didn’t bring a bathing suit.
Feeling more daring and lighthearted than I have in a long time, I strip my clothes off, grab two towels from the bathroom, wrap one around myself and head for the balcony.
I set my glass down beside the chair, drape one towel over the cushion then look nervously around before I drop my own towel and lay face down on the cushion. I giggle, imagining Chris rolling her eyes at my silliness. She’s the type that would sunbathe in the nude without thinking a thing about it. I, however, am not.
Until today. Today, I might be that girl.
I relax in the warmth of the sun. When my skin begins to tingle, I roll onto my back to feel the hot rays caress my face and chest. I’m in that drowsy state between sleep and wakefulness when I hear his voice.
“I must admit, I’m very happy with the way you ‘make yourself at home’.”
I jump when Alec speaks from somewhere near my left ear. Instinctively, I sit up, crossing my arms over my chest and drawing my knees up to hide my nudity. I shield my eyes from the sun to focus on him. He’s standing slightly behind me with only a towel draped loosely around his hips. My mouth goes dry as I take in his wet black hair and the drops of water that glisten like specks of gold on his bronze chest.
Instantly, I’m right back in my book with Daire and Mason. The setting is so similar, it’s like déjà vu. Only Alec is real. And he’s really here. And so am I.
“I thought you were going to be gone until lunch.”
“After my workout, I decided to come home for a shower. What can I say? I couldn’t stay away.”
That makes me inordinately happy, but not enough to make me drop my guard.
“If you’ll hand me that towel,” I say, nodding toward the one I left crumpled on the floor at his feet, “I’ll go get a shower, too.”