The flight was much, much worse. I had strategically planned to get to the seats before Maximus, so that at least I could get the middle and sit beside Perry, but the cockblocker was quicker and pushed past us when it was time to board. Apparently he was a “gold club member” and we weren’t. By the time we got to our seats, he was already in his, looking up at us smugly.
“Do you mind at least moving so I can get to my seat?” Perry asked after shoving her carry-on in the overhead compartment.
“You can squeeze through,” he said, wagging his brows and insinuating that her ass was going to be pressed against his freckled knees.
“Ugh,” she said in frustration, and squeezed past him. I kept my eyes on him, daring him to try anything, just try. I didn’t care if it got me kicked off the plane; I would make a scene.
To his credit he stared right back at me, even moving back in the seat to let her go through.
“Now you,” I said to him, tapping the aisle seat, “you sit here and let me sit next to Perry.”
He shook his head in amusement. “This is my seat.”
“Yeah, yeah, took one for the team. But I would like the middle seat, so get out.” I motioned for him to get out quick.
“Dex, just sit down,” he said, nodding at the rest of the plane. “People here need to get to their seats, buddy.”
It was true, I was preventing a whole line of people from moving down the aisle, and hell hath no fury like people once they are on an airplane. It’s like the minute everyone’s in this giant Tylenol-shaped contraption, their patience threshold changes dramatically. The baby boomer woman closest to me was turning red, a vein popping out on her harried face.
“Fine, you leave me no choice,” I said to no one in particular. I moved into the aisle seat and kept going. I plunked myself down right on the giant ginger’s lap.
“The hell are you doing?” he yelled, trying to get me off of him, but I just pressed myself down into him harder, one leg wedged against the seat in front of me, the other pushing off the aisle seat arm rest.
The passengers in the aisle shot us uncomfortable looks, as if Maximus and I were involved in some lazy, clothed version of the mile high club.
“Dex, get the hell off me,” Maximus grunted in my ear.
“Oh yeah, you like that don’t you, baby,” I said with a grin. I knew his Southern sensibilities were being tested; poor guy couldn’t handle anything even remotely homoerotic.
“Is there a problem here?” A flight attendant suddenly appeared. She could barely hide the disgust on her face; I’m not sure if it was because I was acting like a child or that we were getting loosey goosey. Either way, her bun was tied way too tight, pulling back every feature on her face.
“No, we’re good,” I said at the same time Maximus said, “Obviously there is a problem.”
“Sir,” she said, glaring at me. Boy, how the friendly skies had changed. “Can I see your ticket?”
I handed her my ticket, and she pursed her lips while reading it over. “Mr. Foray, your seat is the aisle seat not the middle. Now if you don’t get off this man’s lap, I’m going to have you removed from the plane.”
“Dex, just sit in your seat,” Perry said beside me. I glanced at her. She was pressed up against the window and looking at us with a mix of revulsion and embarrassment.
“Fine,” I said, and quickly climbed off of him, settling down in my seat and fastening the belt. “Just trying to take one for the team.”
The stewardess watched me for a few beats, giving me one last evil eye, before she moved down the aisle.
“Dex, you are something else,” Maximus said to me, looking a bit shaken. Perfect.
“Once you have a Dex in your lap, you can’t go back,” I said. I looked over at Perry. “Ain’t that right, kiddo?”
“No comment,” she said, and pulled out the in-flight magazine. Yup. Fun trip ahead of us.
After that risqué start, the rest of the flight was fairly uneventful. I started calling Maximus “Vegetable Lasagna”, a Seinfeld reference that was obviously over his head, and did my best to talk to Perry when I could. Too bad the oaf didn’t leave his seat once, not even to go to the bathroom. The rest of the time I just sat back and listened to the new Slayer album, feeling more connected to Perry by listening to her favorite music.
My luck changed once we switched planes in Houston. Maximus was sitting further up on that plane, while Perry and I got two seats together at the back. The flight was quick, too quick to convince Perry to join the mile-high club with me in the bathroom, but long enough to drink a few Bloody Marys in preparation for the Big Easy. Again, I was getting a bit excited at the idea of going to New Orleans and started wishing that it was just Perry and I there, taking the sights in as tourists. Man, what I’d give to go on an actual vacation with the woman. No ghosts, no work—just us, booze, and sex.
“How you doing?” I asked her as the plane began its descent. It was already dark outside, the city a mystery beneath us. I wasn’t a nervous flier but I guess she was because she grabbed on to my hand and squeezed it hard. I squeezed it right back.
“I’m okay,” she said. “Kind of excited.”
“Me too.”
“Nervous.”
“Fear of flying?”
“Yeah, I mean I’m okay, it’s just not my favorite thing in the world. But I’m also nervous about the next few days…or week…or however long we’ll be here.”
I peered at her closely. “Bad feeling?”
She managed a smile. “Well, I never have good feelings before we do a show. I don’t know, I guess I just don’t like how Maximus is involved. I don’t trust him.”
“That makes me ridiculously happy to hear you say that.”
“You don’t trust him either, I know that much.”
I laughed dryly. “I’ve never trusted him. But I gotta tell ya, I was worried about you.”
She gave me an odd look as the plane rumbled, landing gear coming down. “Worried how?”
I chewed on my lip, knowing I’d gone too far to hold anything back but the truth. I turned my attention to the runway lights outside the window.
“I know what’s done is done but the fact that you and Maximus…that he…”