I only got to speak to Camden alone, briefly, when I went into the store to pay.
We were waiting in line at the cashier and he grabbed a bag of the ubiquitous pork rinds you find all over Mexico and tossed them to me. I caught them one-handed and found myself smiling shyly.
“What happened to your glasses?” I asked him.
He bit his lip, his eyes darting to the car. “They fell off somewhere. Probably when I fell. I can’t remember. That whole thing was … a blur.”
“Can you still see?”
He smiled all beautiful white teeth, full lips and dimples. “I’m nearsighted. Which means I’ll be a lousy shot until I get a new pair or some contacts. But at least I can see you clearly. The things up close. The things that matter.”
Boom. There went my heart.
In the middle of a Mexican convenience store.
I had a sudden urge to step closer to him, press myself into his chest, find out how clearly he could see me then. But then the clerk was calling us forward and Camden gave me a little nudge. His fingers felt hot and rough on my arm, awakening my skin.
I smiled at the clerk and awkwardly asked in Spanish to pay for a full tank on the pump we were at but the clerk figured some of it out on his own. While I was handing over the pesos I had, Camden whispered in my ear.
“I know Javier helped me back there,” he said deeply, shivers going down my neck, “but don’t you dare start thinking he’s on our side. He’s not. He’s not even on his sister’s side.”
“So who is on my side?” I whispered back while the clerk counted the money. Funny, back in the day I would have been busy trying to scam my way out of paying for the gas, but the idea wasn’t even an option anymore.
His lips brushed against my ear, his presence behind me so large and commanding, I was surprised hadn’t filled the whole store. “I’m on your side. I’ll be on your side. All the way, until we get home.”
Then he turned and walked out of the store and back to the car.
Until we got home.
Home seemed like such a strange concept now.
And what would happen to us then?
When the clerk was satisfied, I went out to the car, Camden already pumping away. I met his eyes, wondering if I was a blur to him at that distance or if he could fill in the details. Giving him a grateful smile, I got in the car.
Javier was sitting stiffly in the back, Violetta now sleeping against the far window. The hot and dusty breeze from the highway swept in through the shattered back window, messing her hair. Javier was watching me observe her, thinking, always thinking.
“You like her, don’t you?” Javier asked.
I raised a shoulder. “Why not? She seems like a good kid.”
He grunted in disgust and started examining his fingernails. “Good kid. Right. You think associating with the Zetas is good now?”
I gave him a sharp look. “You don’t know that those men had anything to do with her. They’re after us in the end, isn’t that what matters?”
“They’re after me, angel,” he corrected.
“Then why take Gus?”
“They think Gus is of importance to you. They think you are of importance to me. That’s how it goes.”
They thought I was of importance to him – but was I? I shook my head, not seeing why I should care, and looked at Violetta. “Anyway, she didn’t know you were coming, Javier. She didn’t do anything. You’re the one who is after Travis.”
“We are.”
“I’m–”
“After Gus, yes, you’ve said that,” he filled in sharply.
Camden opened his door and climbed in. He eyed me, the tension in my jaw and shoulders and then looked to Javier. “Everything all right in here?”
I had a feeling Camden wouldn’t need much of an excuse to beat the shit out of Javier again. What I would have given to see that.
“Yes,” Javier said. “Just getting our priorities straight.” He tapped the back of my seat. “You better get this damn car moving again. I called Dom and let him know we’d be there soon.”
“Is that safe?” I asked him as I started the car and pulled him back on to the highway heading north. “I mean, calling people and letting them know where we are?”
Javier laughed. “Once again, angel, I am not Jason Bourne and the government isn’t after me. No one is tapping my phones because no one has this phone number. Except for Dom now. And if I can’t trust Dom, I can’t trust anyone.”
I definitely didn’t trust Dom. And Camden would be happy to know, I didn’t trust Javier either.
As soon as we got to the city limits of Aguascalientes, a pleasant looking city at the base of ragged mountains, Javier instructed me to look out for the signs for the Aguascalientes Monumental Bullring.
“Are we seriously going to a bullring?” I asked. Violetta was awake now, not talking but obviously in pain. Camden had courteously spared her the last of his pain medication but apparently it wasn’t enough. She was trying to keep it together but little bursts of agony would occasionally squeak past her lips.
“Just do as I say,” was Javier’s answer. I half-expected him to tell me to trust him.
I grumbled, my hands sweaty on the wheel, my back aching from the drive, but did as he asked. It was all for Gus, all for Gus, all for Gus.
My mother’s face came flashing into my head, the look of horror when she saw who I was, where I was.
Yes. This was all for her too, even though I knew she wouldn’t do the same for me.
I sighed and focused on my new surroundings. The city was actually quite clean and civilized looking, well-maintained with lots of greenery and wide thoroughfares. It wasn’t long until we came to a very high, very round building done up in pinks, oranges and blues.
“It’s like the coliseum on Gay Pride Day,” Camden commented.
“You would know,” Javier sniped.
I shot him a look. “Okay, we’re here. Now what?”
Javier motioned to the giant parking lot across the street that was emptying out of cars. “Pull in there.”
“Looks like the fight is over,” Camden mused, staring at the crowds spilling out of the bullring and into the surrounding plaza.
“We’re not here to see the fight,” Javier explained. Thank god. The idea of watching a bull fight made me feel sick to my stomach. I remembered being fifteen years old and actually donating money to some charity at school that was trying to make that event, and other animal sporting events, illegal. Obviously it did shit all. Bullfighting looked to be as popular in Mexico as it ever was.