He lets out a slow, low whistle. “Shit, Luke. That’s a lot of money.”
“I know it is.” I shut the door, recline against it, and slide to the floor. “I wouldn’t be asking if it wasn’t an emergency.”
“Are you in some kind of trouble?”
“You could say that.” I hesitate, not sure I want to tell him, not wanting to give him the right of knowing me yet, but then suddenly there’s all this pressure inside my chest and it explodes without warning. Everything comes pouring out of me. And not just the gambling part. I tell him how much I drink. What happened between Violet and I. Everything my mom did. Even what I found in Amy’s journal. And by the end I’m crying, like a scared little boy. It makes me feel so pathetic. So weak. So out of control, like when I lived with my mother, and part of me hates myself, but the other part feels relieved, like I can breathe again.
“Luke, we’re going to fix this,” my dad says after I finally stop sobbing long enough for him to speak again.
“You can’t fix it,” I say, sucking back the tears. “Not most of it anyway.”
“Well, I’m going to fix what I can,” he tells me so calmly. I don’t even know how he’s doing it. I just piled on twenty years of baggage onto him and he’s cool as can be. “And the rest we’ll figure out together.” He pauses as if he’s collecting himself. “The first thing I’m going to do is wire you the money. You can head back to Laramie and it should be there by the time you get there. Then you’ll pay back this Geraldson guy.”
I wipe the tears from my eyes with the back of my hand. “And then what?”
“And then I want you to come visit me,” he says and before I can protest, he adds, “Just for a week, so we can talk and maybe get to know each other a little bit better... I’d like to get to know my son.”
“You think talking is going to help?” I question skeptically. “Because I’m not so sure.”
“I think it’s a step… and if you’ll let me, I’d like to take that step with you and hopefully more steps.” He sighs. “I know I haven’t been there for you and I can’t make up for the past.” Now he sounds like he’s choking up. “But I’d like to try my damn hardest. You just need to let me try.”
“I have football practice starting in a couple of weeks,” I say. “And classes. It’s hard for me to go somewhere right now.”
“Can you take some time off?” he asks, hopeful. “Just a week or so.”
“I hate taking time off. And I’ve already missed more than I’m comfortable with.” I’m being a pain in the ass, still uneasy about the whole thing. Well, more like frightened. When I was younger, it was all I thought about all those times during the needles, hugs, petting, madness. That he would come back and save me, but he never did and I nearly rotted to death in that house. And now, it’s hard to let that all go.
“Then I’ll come to you,” he insists determinedly. “If you say it’s okay, I’ll fly out there and see you.”
I run my hand over my head, letting out a stressed breath. “How long would you stay?”
“As long as you want me to,” he replies. “I’d take a few hours at this point.”
“That’s a far flight for a couple of hours.”
“No, it’s not.” The way he says it makes me want to cry again, but I suck the tears back before they spill out.
“Fine, you can come out if you want.” I push myself to my feet. “And you can stay for a few days.”
It takes him a second to respond and when he finally does, I can tell he’s crying but trying not to let me hear it. “Good. I’m so glad. I’m so, so glad.”
It feels so strange and unbelievable, letting stuff go that I’ve been carrying around forever. I just hope that it all works out, but I’m not holding my breath just yet.
Chapter 15
Violet
When I wake up, Luke’s not in the bed and I have this strange moment where I flip out, not just because Luke isn’t there beside me but also over the way I wake up. My usual gasping ritual is absent, instead my eyes simply opening and all I can think is: What the hell?
It’s more frightening than anything. I’ve been waking up that way and now suddenly I’m not. It feels like a part of me has gone missing and I don’t know what to do with it.
And then my text goes off and makes things worse.
Unknown: Why did you call the police? U f**king cunt. You’re so dead.
I’m trying not to flip out as I read the message over, when Luke walks out of the bathroom. I take one look at him, though, and the problem gets lost. He’s still in his boxers, his hair ruffled, his jaw scruffy, and his eyes red and puffy—either he’s stoned or he’s been crying. I’m guessing it’s the latter.
“What’s the matter?” I sit up quickly, the blanket falling from my chest. I’m still naked from last night and his gaze drifts to my chest, but only for an instant then he rubs his eyes and sighs.
“I called my dad.” He stares down at the floor, a crease at his brow, confused. “I couldn’t think of anything else to do, so I called him and asked him for the money.”
“What’d he say?” I know very little about Luke and his dad’s relationship, other than they don’t have one and Luke has had no interest in having one with him because of his absence during his childhood, so if he asked him for help then it’s a huge deal.
He scratches at the back of his neck, exhaling before looking at me. “He said he would, but I have to come let him visit me.”
I set the phone aside on the nightstand and swing my legs over the edge of the bed. “He blackmailed you?”
“No, not really. He just said he’d give me the money and that he wanted to come see me and I kind of just agreed.” He sits down on the bed beside me. “This is so weird.”
Not knowing what else to do, I scoot closer and rub his back. “I’m sorry,” I say. “But I’m glad he’s helping you, instead of you trying to gamble again.” My words are a shocking. Usually, I crave danger, but I’m discovering that if danger means Luke getting hurt it’s not thrilling at all.
“Yeah, I guess I am too.” He lowers his head into his hands. “But we’ll see how it goes. I’m not going to go into this hopeful or anything.” He sits for a while with his head down, breathing softly—I think he might be trying not to cry.